New Beginnings by Becky Dietz

New beginnings.  Don't we all love them?  It's a fresh start.  A do-over.  Another chance.  It's the promise that things can be different.

But a new beginning also suggests you know how to break out of the old patterns.  And some people lose their way.  For instance, one of my son's friends came to Andy & I with deep grief.  He'd lost his way.  He had entered a profession that was fast-paced and came with lots of temptations.  And he'd succumbed to those temptations.  He'd become a prodigal and he didn't know how to find his way back home.  I think it was the first time I realized how badly the enemy deceives us when we lose our way.  We sat with him, cried with him, put our arms around him and showed him all it takes is asking God to forgive us to find our way home.  He confessed his sin to God, asked for forgiveness and a ton of weight fell off of our friend that day!  He was safely back in the Father's arms.  Of course, then he had to learn how to forgive himself and close the doors to those temptations---and run towards God!!

A new beginning can be just for you.  You may have lost your way.  Or you may have been wounded by those around you.  Both situations require forgiveness.  Asking God to forgive you...and forgiving others.  I long for that weight to fall off of your shoulders today.  It may not be easy...but it's simple.  Ask God to forgive you for anything standing between you and Him--anything hindering your relationship.  And then choose to forgive others.  They may have wounded you deeply, accused you, or tried to ruin your reputation publicly.  To carry unforgiveness not only hinders your relationship with that person, but it will affect your relationship with God.  And not only will it affect those relationships, it will affect you mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically.  I'm convinced it becomes a cancer that eats at us.

A new beginning can be for your church.  As the leaders of your church, you can encourage and help your members to start over by seeking forgiveness from God and one another. Of course, we know the Spirit of God will have to be involved for the whole church to be affected.  It's easy when we can choose for ourselves our own outcome.  But we can't force it on others.  I'm convinced that when we become honest, open, transparent and lead by example...it can affect an entire church.  And we should pray that way!  We need to be asking God to redeem us, restore us, to give us a new beginning. It may not happen all at once.  But slowly...step by step...restoration can take place.  And it's a beautiful thing to see!

Let's pray for new beginnings...for ourselves and our churches.  I know nothing would bless the heart of God more than to see His children walking together with Him in unity.

May your year be blessed with New Beginnings!

Keeping Your Focus During Christmas by Becky Dietz

I remember one year, at a former church, when we literally had more than a dozen Christmas parties to go to.  We were expected to be at each one and it was exhausting.  What was even harder was keeping my focus on the reason for the season--Jesus.  Because those parties honestly had nothing to do with Jesus.

I really love Christmas.  I love thinking about Mary and Joseph being in that barn, having baby Jesus and wrapping him in swaddling clothes.  I love thinking about the shepherds in the field and the magnificent sight of the angels in the heavens above.  I love being around my family and watching the children's excitement as they open gifts.  I can hardly sleep Christmas Eve in anticipation of that very thing.

But how do I keep my focus on Jesus?  I remember it's HIS birthday.  That's not hard since my birthday is December 16.  As much as I enjoy being around friends and family on my birthday and being celebrated, I try to do the same for Jesus.  I spend time with him, acknowledging it's his birthday, blessing him.  In the past, we've made birthday cakes for Jesus.  I've given him gifts.  It may be giving to something or someone I know he cares about.  This year, my gift is just spending quality time with him each morning leading up to his birthday.

I'm also celebrating by loving and using the gifts he's given me.  There's someone on my gift-giving list who always acts disappointed with what I give her.  It's disheartening.  But I used to do the same thing.  I would be given a lovely gift, but because of "unworthiness issues" in my own life, I'd give it to someone I thought would love it.  I hate that I did that.  But don't we do that with Jesus?  He's given us so many beautiful gifts which we never even acknowledge or use.  I'm choosing to delight in the gifts he's given me and use them knowing he'll be pleased.

I can tell you I petitioned hard in our former church not to have so many parties the next year.  I'm all for festivities...but I love keeping it simple.  I want to focus on Jesus and celebrate him.

How do you keep your focus during Christmas?

Prayer of Thanks from a Pastor's Wife by Becky Dietz

Father,
Thank you for a husband who loves and serves you.  Thank you for entrusting the Bride of Christ into our care.  We're so grateful for how much you love us, care for us, minister to us, and meet our needs.  Thank you for going before us, coming behind us and keeping your hand of blessing on us.  We are blessed beyond anything we could ever deserve.  Thank you, too, for the hard things...things which have matured us, developed patience in us and given us wisdom.  Thank you for not leaving us alone.  We need you and the power of your Holy Spirit more than ever.  And God...those days and nights when we may feel alone, thank you that you've promised to never leave us nor forsake us.  You're right there beside us.  Thank you for that.
Father, for every pastor's wife reading this, I pray you will do more than we can all ask or imagine in our lives and in our ministry.  Please bless our marriages--grow them and make them more intimate than we thought possible.  Bless our children and grandchildren.  Pour into their lives and guide them into Truth.  Keep their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Prepare us, the Bride of Christ, for Jesus.  Purify us. Anoint us.  Bless us.  Make us ready for His soon return!
God, please bless this holiday season.  Flavor it with grace, humor, hope, passion, rest, and peace.  Sprinkle it with FUN!  And coat it all with love.  May we love passionately, unconditionally and just like Jesus loves.
Thank you for this place in life.  Thank you that you know the way.  Please level the mountains in front of us, in Jesus' name.  We trust you, God.  We love you.  Let us hear you sing over us.  Thank you...for you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.

First Lady

There's a new attitude which concerns me among pastors and their wives.  It's the attitude of "celebrity status."  I've seen it up-close and personal.  I watched as a pastor and his wife assumed celebrity status in their church in a small town.  It happens when a pastor and his wife demand to be served...rather than serving others themselves. 

I know in some circles a pastor's wife is called the First Lady.  I'm sure it started off as a term to honor that pastor's wife, but it just goes against the grain of what I believe the Bible teaches.  As pastor's wives, we are not First Ladies to be honored and given an elevated position.  We are the ones who come alongside the Church and get our hands dirty as we serve others.  It's stepping in and doing the crafts for VBS.  It's washing dishes at a funeral meal.  It's teaching, singing, helping!  It's just hard imagining a "First Lady" doing any of these things.

I think it's up to us as staff wives to set the tone for what God has called us all to do.  Please, please be careful of assuming the attitude of a First Lady and the entitlements which come along with that name.  Come alongside the members of your church and help.  Put on your work clothes and paint a wall with them.  Change a diaper.  Decorate a bulletin board.  Serve God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.  Be the example for serving.

Parenting, Moves & Ministry by Ronnie Arrington

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding and yet most challenging tasks you can embark on. Regardless of your circumstances, your career, your finances, etc – it’s a challenge to say the least. When you throw into the mix being a full-time ministry family and having children with special needs – then you have just upped the challenge to a new level!
Joel and I have been in full-time ministry for the better part of the last 19 years. Our four children have known little else than ministry life. They have known the ultimate highs and the crashing lows. They have experienced the thrill of success and acceptance and they have seen the burden of failure and rejection. We certainly haven’t done it “right” from day one and we are most certainly still learning and growing in this journey of parenting while in ministry but we have learned a few things along the way!
To give you a brief background – we have four kids who now range in age from 13 to 17. Our oldest Hannah is an extreme, and I do mean extreme, introvert. I will share more about her later on in this post and how we have had to help her adjust to a very extroverted family life. Malachi is our second oldest and perhaps the most laid back of the crew but not without challenges. Kestra comes next in line and has a bubbly outgoing personality which is great for moving and change but she also struggles with a learning disability which has brought its own set of challenges in the life of ministry. Tyler is our youngest and God had to have had a grin on His face when he placed him in our mix! Tyler has moderate to severe hearing loss as well as a significant learning disability. Combine that with a personality that is all boy with a servant heart and you have your hands full!
Throughout our years in ministry, we have done everything from non-denominational para-church ministry to bi-vocational to full-time. We have lived in four different states and served in about 9 different ministries – do the math and you come up with a lot of moves, a lot of new schools, and a lot of change on our four children. In all of this we have learned some key points that I want to share with you my minister wife friends.
Flexibility! This is the absolute number one thing that we have learned in so many things regarding our kids and ministry. I mentioned earlier that Hannah was an extreme introvert. Of all our children, moving and change is the most difficult for her. She struggles to make friends and although not a difficult person to be around, she is just very closed and it is hard to really get to know her and understand her. While at our church in Borger, Tx, Hannah hit the lowest point we have ever seen. We moved the summer before her freshman year and in our minds we thought this was perfect timing – all freshmen are new, low man on the totem pole, this will be great! What we didn't take into account was that the culture shock of coming from a very laid back Colorado town where she had been for four years with a small class size to a West Texas town where everyone knew everyone and their family, the school was approximately 3 times larger, and the demographics were largely Hispanic. Hannah was literally thrown to the fire. We didn't truly know the impact until Christmas break of that first year – had we been more alert, the signs were there, we just didn't notice. She began to withdraw even further, was moody, depressed and went from a girl who loved school to a girl who was sick to her stomach at the thought of school. It culminated over Christmas break when she had nightmares of going back to school. At this point we made a prompt and drastic decision – we pulled her out and homeschooled her beginning immediately after break. We literally drove to Mardels one day, bought what curriculum we could and began! We knew that we had to be flexible in this for Hannah’s sake. It was rocky and there were definite bumps in the road, but it was the best for her. With each of our kids we have taken it year by year when it comes to schooling – currently our three oldest are in public school here in Levelland (yes, Hannah has healed and is thriving) and I am homeschooling Tyler our youngest. We have learned that flexibility is paramount in being in ministry and raising kids.
Listen to your kids! This is a huge lesson we have had to learn through the years. It has amazed us at how intuitive our kids are and the things that they see and pick up on that perhaps we miss. Malachi in particular is very good at reading people and seeing things that we miss. We have learned to really listen and read between the lines when our kids share things with us regarding church, school, church members, etc.
Be prayerfully open-minded. Kestra is the only one of our children that has not been homeschooled at any point. Let me emphasize – I never thought I would be a homeschool parent! I never wanted to be a homeschool parent and I certainly never wanted to homeschool a child with special needs! However, due to circumstances in the schools, challenges my kids faced, and their best interest – we knew that we had to put them as our primary ministry and do what they needed. In particular, I had to be open to adjusting my career goals and ministry goals to what was needed for my kids. Much prayer and thought went into each decision and we have seen God bless, heal and restore so much that was damaged in our children by simply being open to something new!
When it comes to helping kids adjust to moves in ministry these three things are essential. Be open with your kids; listen to them and their concerns. Be flexible and willing to change and adjust in whatever area you may need to. Be open-minded and prayerful to what the Lord is calling you to do in regards to your children; I never would have dreamed that I would homeschool much less that I would have so much fun doing it!


Ronnie and her husband Joel have been in full-time youth and children's ministry for the past 19 years. They have four children Hannah, Malachi, Kestra, and Tyler. Along with a heart to serve alongside her husband in ministry, Ronnie has a specific heart for Moms of Preschool age children. She is currently the Director of the Parent's Day Out program at their church in Levelland, Tx. and loves the opportunity to reach families of preschoolers! Whenever possible, she enjoys going on both domestic and foreign mission trips and serving children and families elsewhere. She uses her Thirty One Gifts business as an avenue to contribute to mission efforts around the world and is excited to see God use this to further the Kingdom.

Pastors & Sin by Lindsey Dietz

I asked Lindsey to write a new blog and she said she already had this written.  She called it "heart vomit."  This is the second article in response to a pastor's adultery who lives in our area.  And while you may not live in our area, it's an issue among pastors and their families...and one we need to deal with.
Becky 

This is written in light of recent events surrounding the news-breaking story of a pastor who was caught in the act and arrested for being with a prostitute. My immediate response for him was a broken heart for him and his family. I surprised even myself by not jumping straight to a place of judgment. I put myself in his shoes and realized that what was happening to him, as well as hundreds of ministers before him, was absolutely unfair. These are my thoughts on the situation…


C (pastor) & J (pastor's wife) came into my life as my youth pastors when I was 16. (I’ll be honest—it was a little weird at first, seeing as how C is only two years older than I am; but he was quickly proved to be wiser than his age and was the right guy for the job.) C and J became pillars in my life, during a time that every teenager is trying to figure out who they are and what they believe. C wasn’t afraid to have fun with his youth kids, to stay later than necessary, to have us in his home, or to teach what the Bible says about the tough issues most teens struggle with in one form or another.

I admired and looked up to C and J. I taught their son in a pre-K Sunday school class. I went to J for advice about boyfriends and fashion. She was like the big sister I never had. C and J believed in me enough to hire me as their summer intern when I graduated high school. They poured into my friends and me with selfless love and patience.
Then I started college and got married and had a family and lost touch with C and J, but I never, ever lost my love or respect for them. And I still haven’t.

My reason for writing this is not to tell about how they impacted me, although that goes without saying. My point is not to defend C—because he messed up big time. My purpose is not to tell J that I love her and her family and my support is given freely.

My purpose in this is to ask the world a question: why are pastors (and their wives) held to a higher standard than everyone else?

You see, because of the marriage C and J lived in front of my peers and me all those long years ago, I had a deep-seated desire to marry a pastor and be in ministry with him. And I did just that. In living the life of a full-time pastor’s wife, my eyes were opened to a truth that no one tells you about going into ministry: the truth that people are always watching you and judging your life by a much higher standard that the “rest”.

In any other line of work, if a man is caught with a prostitute, he won’t likely have to resign from his job or worry about being fired. Some of his working buddies may even pat him on the back with an “Atta boy!” as they secretly wish they were in his shoes.

But a pastor?

Oh boy. You can kiss your ministry, your church, your title, your respect, and maybe even your marriage goodbye. You are judged harshly, with people throwing stones right and left, accusing you of being hypocritical or fake. You are the rubric by which the non-believing community can nod their heads and affirm that this is why they don’t believe in God or the Bible.

Thank God my husband and I have never been involved in a situation like this. Yet.

I pray we never are, that our children never have to watch us walk through hell and damnation and a scrutinizing, merciless society who can’t forgive or forget.

But my husband and my mother and my friends and you and I are capable of ANYTHING. Under the right circumstances, we can literally do ANYTHING. There is no limit to where depression and desperation can lead you in your decision-making. I’ve been depressed and desperate—and I made some awful choices during that time of my life.

Just because they weren’t illegal or broadcast on the news doesn’t mean they weren’t terrible. It just means I got to deal with my issues in private and with a little bit of dignity.

Pastors aren’t allowed to struggle with the “big sin issues”: addiction, pornography, adultery, etc. They’re the ones who are supposed to be helping their congregations with these problems, right?

So imagine how difficult we (yes, I said we, as in THE CHURCH) have made it for our pastors to ask for help if and when these sin issues do arise in their lives. And if we, the congregations they are shepherding, have made it next to impossible for them to admit a problem and seek counseling or help, the world has made it that much harder.

Politicians and pastors are the only two lines of work I can think of whose “issues” make the evening news.

They’re sinful people too. Why is their sin so stinkin’ special??

I don’t really have a major point to make. It breaks my heart that C and J and their boys are going through this. I hate that C lost this battle. I hate that J has lost trust in her husband. I hate that their boys may have lost some respect for their father.

But more than all that, I hate that bankers and restaurant managers and stock brokers and garbage truck drivers are caught and arrested for prostitution every, single day and they get to bail out of jail and either go back into that life or seek out help privately, while pastors’ faces are broadcast all over the news and in the newspapers and people get to chime in with their opinions on Facebook and everywhere else, like it actually matters.

I can guarantee you that no one would have given C a second thought if he hadn’t been a pastor.

It’s an open-ended question: WHY are things like this?

*Lindsey Dietz is a full-time mom and homeschool teacher to her two beautiful children. 

Her husband, David, recently took a position as Network Administrator at Grace Community Church & School in Tyler, TX.  Lindsey is a gifted writer and former editor of CFN Magazine, The Voice.  She loves to cook with organic foods, has studied nutrition, and has embraced natural living.  She hopes to own a farm some day and grow her own food...and maybe even write about it.

An Honest Response to Sin in the Church by Matt Dietz

A pastor in the Amarillo area was arrested this week because of sin--a young pastor we know and love.  The media is having a field day with it and this was my son's response in support of his friend on Facebook.  

Lets just be real...

The news isn't going to drop a story that has created a whirlwind of clamor. The church cringes with every comment made by an unbelieving cheer section, happy with the failures of the lie that is the church. But how SHOULD we handle it?

Like this...

My name is Matt. I'm the chiefest of all sinners. In my short lifetime, I have managed to make more regrettable mistakes than I really want you to know about, but I'm going to tell you anyway. I'll tell you not because I want to glorify the past or even the rise from the past. I want to glorify the one who was able to take my shit, and make it clean.

You see, I was into prostitution, and I was a prostitute of sorts myself. I was an adulterous husband who chose to think and act selfishly. It all started with a porn (prostitution) addiction, a careless desire for my drug of choice. It consumed every good thing in my life, chewed it up and spit it out; but it didn't end there. I've heard it said that sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay and cost you more than you want to pay. I'm living proof of this most hurtful reality.

I know what it feels like to carry shame with your head held low. I know what it feels like to do the unthinkable and unforgivable to the one you love most. I know what it feels like to lose everything you care most about. I know what it feels like to imagine you'll never be worth anything to anyone ever again. I know what it feels like to think you've destroyed the futures of your children. I know what it feels like to carry this unimaginable burden. I know what it feels like to lie, steal, cheat and become the worst of failures; but God...

I now know what it feels like to have this burden of shame lifted. I know what it feels like to have hope again. I know what it feels like to be free. I know what it feels like when your kids finally say "I love You," when you never thought it possible. Most of all, I know what it feels like to have Jesus say, "I paid for that, because I love you!"

Is there something in your life that has taken you further, kept you longer, and cost you more than you expected?  If so, I have the answer. His name is Jesus, and He loves you more than you could ever imagine. His real church will love, accept and restore you to better than you ever thought possible; and out of the ashes you will give hope to others who are hurting and dying without hope.

So if you feel the need to share a story that will shock the masses, share this one...

Matt Dietz is a builder in the Amarillo area.  He's also a singer and song writer, having just produced the album, Galaxy.  He leads worship for the youth in his church--where his two daughters also attend.

Bullies in the Church by Becky Dietz

Have you encountered bullies in your church?  I have.  Several of them, in fact.  These are the people who love power, control, and being known.  They may not even be believers...but then again, they may.  They may be believers who've never recognized or dealt with these strongholds in their lives.  They can range from the well-intentioned, but overbearing, people who want to make sure money is spent wisely (their way)...to the ungodly, outright control freaks, who are hiding everything they're doing so it all works to their advantage...to the person who makes it their solemn, wicked duty to make your life miserable until they can make you leave their church. They've even been known to follow a minister to his next church to make sure he fails there, too.  Or it could be your pastor.

Here's the problem I've had with spiritual bullies.  I couldn't sort out in my mind how to treat them.  I'd recognize their bullying for what it was, but then I'd reason that they were believers and brothers or sisters in Christ.  They'd push their weight around to make sure they got their way, but I'd naively contend they had the good of the church as the bottom line.  It was just hard to wrap my mind around a Christian...in a church...being a bully.

Here's the truth.  A spiritual bully is no different than a bully on the playground.  They're trying to dominate the system.  They want control of everyone so they can have their own way.  They intimidate.  They probably use scripture to prove their point which can make it even more confusing to the church.  They want to control...and usually it's in the area of finances.  But it may be in any area of leadership.  I've seen bullies in the church kitchen and nursery!  They don't believe that God is in control.  They may give lip service to that notion, but they don't really believe it.  And they will remain in control as long as the church will let them.  Most of them have had control for a very long time because no one is willing to stand up to them.  The godly people don't want to "hurt the church" by confronting a bully.

Here's more truth.  It's hurting the church to allow a spiritual bully to continue his bullying ways.  The bully in the church kitchen?  She was in control when my husband was a youth minister.  We fed about 300 high school students once a week during school lunch at our church.  Andy would continually ask her to cook more food because we would run out of food and the kids at the end of the line wouldn't have time to go somewhere else to eat.  His budget provided for the food and he was in control of his budget.  She refused.  She thought the kids were wasting the food and she didn't want food left over.  It became a major contention because Andy confronted her each week.  To add insult to injury, she began coming to where I was serving in the food line and loudly whisper to me that my husband was wasteful, a bad manager of things, and allowed the kids too much freedom.  At first, I ignored her because I didn't know how to handle it.  (Bullies rely on you freezing and not knowing how to respond.  Their goal is to intimidate you into submission.)  But after two or three weeks of the whispering, something rose up in me!  After everyone left one day, I confronted her.  I told her to never come to me again with a word against my husband and if she had a problem with him...according to Matthew 18,  she was supposed to go to him!!  She began yelling at me and I stood my ground.  I answered everything she threw at me (I'm sure my voice rose) and refused to be intimidated by her.

Here's what I've experienced.  Every time Andy or I have confronted a spiritual bully, they are shaken.  They've had control for so long and have never expected to be uprooted from being "King of the Hill," that they don't know how to respond.  We've had confrontations with several key leaders in our churches.  It's hard to do!!  It takes lots of prayer, but in our cases, it's also just taken getting a belly-full of the bullying and really caring about the rest of the church.  After confrontations, we've had people leave the church or quietly step down from positions and eventually change their hearts.  And the kitchen lady?  She became one of my sweetest friends and one of Andy's biggest supporters after her heart changed.  The key is to love the bully enough to confront them.  Their behavior is hurting them, their relationships, and the church.  You have to want to do it for their good and the good of the church.  I can't promise confronting a bully always ends well.  You may still be thrown out of their church.  But I believe you'll be able to sleep well at night knowing you did what was right.

May I just recommend a couple of books for you to read?

An excellent, excellent book!

and...

Baptist to Anglican by Amy Wright

We were serving in a Baptist church in the panhandle of Texas with 2 little boys at home.  My husband, Jay, was the worship leader at the church and had discovered the Book of Common Prayer (BCP) and the liturgical church calendar.  Both things were new and foreign to our little Baptist/Bible Church upbringing.  Jay fell in love with the BCP and would take it to his office at church and read it in secret with his door shut.  If the other pastors knew what he was doing, they would not be very understanding.  He began to try and incorporate things like Advent into our Sunday services, but he was met with quite a bit of resistance.  The senior and associate pastors began to meet and try to figure out what to do with this guy who had obviously gone off his rocker.  To find encouragement and support, he would sneak over to the Methodist church in town and share in confidence what he was learning with the pastor of that church.  Sometimes he would even sit down and talk with the Episcopal priest in town!  

After some time, Jay came to me and asked if he could start taking some classes  at a school in Jacksonville, FL.  The school happened to meet in an Episcopal church, and the church was going through a huge change where a group was disassociating from the Episcopal church and joining the Anglican church.  The new church was looking for a worship leader and Jay was very interested.  He gave me a call (while he was in Florida for classes) and asked what I thought about him applying for the job.  I kind of scoffed and said, “Sure.  But why would they hire a Baptist?”  You see, Baptists don’t really hire people from other denominations, so I figured it was that way in every other denomination.  I was wrong.  We got a phone call soon after and the interview process began.  I went along with it, but on the inside I was praying desperately for a way out.  I thought that opportunity came when we received a phone call saying that something happened in the church, and they would have to hold off on the hiring process.  I was relieved!  I thought that God had heard my pitiful cries and saved me from leaving my familiar world.

A few months later, Jay told me that if that church called us back, he would really like to reconsider.  We had already told them that we were no longer interested, so I very safely told Jay that, of course, if they called again, I would support that decision.  Again, I was wrong.  I was reading our email one evening (we shared an account at the time) and saw an email from the head of the search team.  I started shaking and opened up the letter to find that they were asking Jay to reconsider.  I started crying so hard.  Jay was worried and started asking me what was wrong.  I’m pretty sure that he thought someone had died.  I told him what the email said and he started laughing and told me that we didn’t have to move.  Through my tears I cried, “Yes we do!  This is just the way that God does things with me!!!!”  Pitiful.

Before I knew it, we were moving to a suburb of Jacksonville, FL.  I had no idea what to expect of an Anglican church.  To be honest, I thought it was most likely dead, boring, and reeking of incense.  Much to my surprise, I encountered life, and lots of it!  People loved God so deeply.  I found so much freedom in that church.  People didn’t carry their Bibles to church, and that was okay!  Not everyone knew every answer to every spiritual question asked, and that was okay!  Most people didn’t know who I was.  Most people didn’t even know the senior pastor’s wife!  If I wanted to sign up for VBS, it was my choice!!!  If I didn’t help in the nursery, no one said “Boo!”  There were absolutely no expectations of me. 

But aside from all of the freedoms I found in the simple things, the greatest thing was experiencing God in a whole new way.  I think that I cried in every service for a few weeks.  When the priests would process in with the cross, I felt God’s power.  When I would kneel at the rail to receive communion, I began to find healing in Jesus.  And when everyone worshiped with one voice, the Holy Spirit became more and more alive to me.  

All of this didn’t happen because I went from being a Baptist to an Anglican.  I think it happened because God allowed me to get away from what I knew (and knew like the back of my hand).  He took me out of my comfort zone and placed me right where I needed to be.  

The day I finally told Jay that I was fine with being in an Anglican church, I told him to at least promise me that he wouldn’t become a priest.  He laughed and said that he had no desire, but that he couldn’t promise.  Good thing he was wise enough to never say never.  I’m now married to an Anglican priest and wouldn’t have it any other way! 

*Amy Wright has been married to Jay for 12 years.  They've been in full time ministry since 2004.  Jay started off serving as a music/worship pastor in Dalhart, Tx.  They moved to Fleming Island, Fl to work at New Grace Church in 2008.  Jay is now serving as worship leader/assistant priest at All Saints Church Dallas.  They are looking forward to planting a church in east Dallas in the fall of 2015.  They have 4 kids, Isaac (11 years), Josiah (9 years), Olivia (7 years), and Hadassah (3 years).

You're a slave to God...not the church! by Becky Dietz

"But now since you have been set free from sin and have become the slaves of God, you have your present reward in holiness and its end is eternal life."  Romans 6:22

Are you a servant...or a slave?  Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference because you may be doing the very same activity as either.  It's all in how it came to be and the attitude of your heart.

There are churches out there who think they "own" you as a pastor's family just because they pay your salary.  They don't mind telling you what you should be doing and have expectations about what you should be involved in and think you should pay your own way in the activities they think you should do.  And if you resist, they may see it as a sign of being less spiritual than you should be.

It's such a fine line.  I want to be involved.  But I want to do it with joy and not compulsion (which takes all of the joy out of it!).  I want to pay my way...but there have been times I've had to choose between a church activity or paying for school lunches for my kids.  The school lunches win every time!  It's not more "spiritual" to go on a women's retreat and then not have lunch money for your kids.  It's just not!  And for a church to expect you to do that is wrong.

And it's not wrong to speak the truth in love.  The first woman from the church who asks me why I'm not going on the retreat should be told simply and kindly, "I don't have the money in my budget to do that.  I wouldn't be able to pay for my kids' lunches that week if I chose the retreat."  It's honest, it's kind, and it's on the table.  It really is a heart issue.  Don't tell the church just to manipulate the church...but don't be afraid to be honest!  It's OK for the church to see you making choices---just like they do.  Money is a huge issue which can enslave you to the church.  (And one I may deal with in detail later.)

If I don't feel like God is leading me to teach children's Sunday School this next year, I should tell the leaders, "I'm not going to be teaching this next year."  (I need to give them plenty of notice so they can find another teacher, though.)  I was told years ago that it was OK to say "No!" and that I didn't have to give an explanation.  That freed me up!  But it doesn't give me a license to be uninvolved.  Find where you fit.  Find a place you'll enjoy serving.  Use your gifts for the body!  Serve...but don't become a slave to other's expectations.  There is a difference.

Be God's slave.  He's an easy, caring taskmaster--He even carries most of the load.  I love The Message's interpretation of Matthew 11:30...

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Dealing With the Offense of Being Fired by Sandi Smith

And...

Learning To Walk In Grace While Trusting God

The critical issue when dealing with offenses as a pastor’s wife is in reality a trust and faith issue.  When offended, it brings you to a crisis of belief.  Are you going to accept God’s grace or reject it?  Is He Lord of all situations or not?  As a pastor’s wife, one of the strongest offenses that can come is when you are rejected by a church and find your husband out of a job.  It was May when the church told us that they wanted us to leave by the fall.  How devastating that was, which made it a very hard summer.  We immediately put our house up for sale.  We felt we had to, to get it sold, but I know deep down it was kind of our way of getting back.  Kind of like, “we will show you by putting a sign out in front and letting the church people know that something was going on.”  I guess also, it was kind of my way of making it not hurt so bad by getting back at them.  Something we had to get forgiveness for.  The summer went on, it was a hard summer for my husband (Associate Pastor) especially, because he had to go in daily and act as though nothing was going on, and constantly feeling attacked by the Senior Pastor and the personnel committee and the constant rumors that went around.  No one really knew the truth.  It also made it very hard to go to church and worship during that summer.  People became cold toward us, and acted like we weren’t there.  People who use to strongly support my husband’s ministry, no longer would even talk to us.  Thankfully, we made it through the summer.  When the end of summer came, we still had no idea what to do or when we would be asked to leave, but we did know we had to be out of our house by Labor Day weekend.  The week that we had to be out of our house was another hard week.  We knew we had to be out by the weekend, but we couldn’t find any place to go.  All the doors seemed to close on the few places that were available to rent.  It was now Friday and we still had not found a place to go.  I cried many a tear.  I guess in a way I was mad at God.  I kept crying out to my Heavenly Father,   “why don’t you show us a place to live.  Don’t you understand God; we are down to the line.  We only have three days before we have to be completely out of our house.  We have no place to go, we need a place NOW.”  That afternoon, a good friend of mine told me about a house next to people we already knew, and that the sign went up just that morning.  We immediately went by the house to see if we could get a phone number off the sign to call.  We were told that we would probably not be able to get an answer back from the realtor till Saturday or Sunday, because the owner was in the midst of moving himself,  from Dallas to Houston and there was no way of getting hold of him.  Praise God, the realtor called us and said it was alright with the owner if we moved in without signing a lease, only if we agreed to show the house to sale it for him.  The owner wanted a year’s lease, but we couldn’t promise that.  In our minds we thought we’d only be there a couple of months.  Little did we know this was going to be a time of refining that was going to last 23 months.  This raised the ultimate question… were we truly called and if we were truly called, the only thing you could do is wait on God and trust Him.  We then moved in on Sunday and Monday.  Boy, how the Lord works, I then realized why He didn’t show us a place to live sooner, because it was the one that went on the rental market that day.  The Lord didn’t show us any sooner, because the house wasn’t empty yet.  I should have just rested in the Lord 100%, but I still felt I needed to worry.  Amazing, little did we know that the house we moved into that weekend never sold as long as we were there, and the owner said we were such good renters for the first year that he decided that he was going to lower our rent.  Praise God!  We were also able to stay in the school where the boys had already been attending and they would even be able to walk to school with their friends.  It was wonderful!  Things began to settle down until about October when they called my husband in and said they wanted him to leave NOW.  We were now no longer employed and had no church home.  The personnel committee and the senior pastor told us that if we’d just leave they’d pay us three months severance pay, but if we stayed, they would drag us through the mud, and we’d never get a cent.  We decided the Lord couldn’t be glorified if we stayed and were drug through the mud, so we left.  We felt that it was more important for the Lord to handle the situation, and that we would just trust the Lord to take care of us.  After that, we did finally find a church home where we could worship during this time in our lives while waiting on the Lord to open a new door for us to serve.  The first week my husband was home, was pretty hard.  A lot of rejection was felt.  No one from our former church ever called or came by or checked on us for months.  The pain of not being wanted and not having a position of service was very hard.  The next few weeks got a little easier.  We had our good days and our bad.  There were days I even wondered, why bother to get up and get dressed, there was really nothing to do but sit around the house.  After a couple of weeks of this, my husband decided that he would take advantage of all of the extra time he had on his hands.  He began to listen to tapes of John McArthur and other pastor’s who he had great respect for.  He really got into some deep study and his and my prayer life got much stronger and closer to the Lord.  He had more time for the boys and they loved having him being at home so much, and I also loved having him at home a lot more, too.  It was now getting into the holiday season.  Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went, and January was coming quickly and the severance pay was about to run out.  My husband knew he had to start looking for some kind of temporary work that would help pay the bills until the Lord opened a door for ministry again.  Several months came and went once again and no door opened for temporary work, but my husband’s faith stood strong in the Lord, he was never worried about money and bills.  We really grew stronger in our spiritual growth and in our marriage.  We had to resort to living off of the $5,000 we had made off of the sale of our house.  Up and down days still came and went.  We never doubted that God was in control, (well at least my husband didn’t, maybe me, not so much).  March came and my husband was still looking for temporary work.  The Lord continued to take care of us and meet our needs. Some days that really seemed the hardest, we would just ask the Lord to give us a special hug that day, and He always came through.  A note would come in the mail, or money, or a phone call.  Something to let us know he hadn’t forgotten us.  April came and my husband got a call from a friend and asked him if he would like to come and work with him in his lawn service.  So he went to work for $7 an hour working anywhere from 8-12 hour days, 5 days a week.  Fortunately the boys had baseball to keep them occupied.  It made for long hard days for my husband, but we knew the Lord had opened this door, and we were thankful for the provision he provided us.  Our church where we were worshipping during this time, also continued to send groceries, or provide money gifts.  The main thing I think that we learned through this ordeal was that God wanted us to continue to trust him and He would take care of us and to learn to wait on Him.  Just be still and know that He is God.  To finish off this part of the saga in our lives, the Lord did open a door for my husband to continue to minister in the local church, and I continued to learn how to trust God and know that as long as we are in His will, He will never leave us or forsake us. It would have been easy to become bitter during this time, but the ones who would have been hurt/damaged the most would have been our family (Hebrews 12:15).  When offended trust God, walk in grace, and let Him write the final chapter.

*Sandi Smith has been married to Terry Smith for 35 years. They have been in the ministry for over 34 years.  Terry has served in various roles as an Associate Pastor, but is currently serving as Senior Pastor at Jerusalem Baptist Church in Fairfax, VA.  They have two adult sons, Scott who is married to Mary Jo (Hubbard), and Jeremy, who is married to Christina (Miller).  Scott is pastor of a new church plant - Well Spring Church of Joplin, Missouri.  Jeremy and Christina are missionaries in Southeast Asia.  They have three grandchildren, Grayson (born 2007), Mollie Kate (born 2012), and Adelyn Grace (2013).

Can I Have Friends? by Becky Dietz

Many pastor's wives ask the question, "Can I have friends?"  I've heard people counsel that pastor's wives shouldn't have close friends because it will create jealousy among the women in the church.   Or that you shouldn't confide in the women of your church because they will become disillusioned because you have needs (really??)--or they might betray your trust.  Then there are those who divide friendships into categories...coffee friends, shopping friends, day trip friends, prayer friends, etc....which isn't wrong.  But some do it to include as many women into their circle as they can and yet not give themselves completely to everyone--or maybe, anyone.

For years, I'd say, "Jesus is our example" for most things but didn't realize he'd left us an example for friendships.  He had levels of friendships.  You'll see his relationships extended from being with and ministering to large crowds to a confidential context with a best friend.  He was with the multitudes teaching them, healing them, and touching them.  But he ministered with a small crowd of people who followed him (including women).  He narrowed that down to discipling, training, and equipping twelve men.  He poured himself into these twelve.  He was entrusting his kingdom into their hands and was with them most of the time.  Out of those twelve men, he was closest to three:  Peter, James & John.  They were together at some pretty incredible moments--like the moment of transfiguration and praying together in the garden.  But of those three, Jesus had a best friend...John.  I love that John says about himself, "the disciple whom Jesus loved."  When Jesus was dying on the cross, he entrusted his own mother to his best friend, John.

I'm a person who needs friends.  I need deep, intimate, loyal friendships.  I didn't consciously set out to follow the example Jesus gave us with his own friendships, but when I understood his relationships, I realized I had the same level of friendships in my own life.

There are those women I've spent time ministering with--whether it was VBS, women's ministry, mission trips or benevolence ministry.  I think it's when you do ministry together in a large group like this that you begin to find people who are like-minded.  You're drawn to them and they begin to stick out as someone you want to get to know better.  Or it may be that you've had similar life experiences which creates a bond.  But out of this large pool of like-minded people, a smaller group can develop.

For Andy & I, this happened with a small group of friends.  We were all hungry to know God more.  We were searching for truth together and wanted to learn how to pray.  So we met to praise and pray in a safe environment and we jokingly began calling our time P&P (praise & prayer--and later, potluck)--and it stuck.  We met once a week with these friends with whom we felt safe and did what I call a holy experiment.  We tested the boundaries of prayer.  We may have done some crazy stuff to learn what pleased God, but we felt safe doing it because we were in it together wanting to grow spiritually.  We brought our children along and let them play together but many times they joined us.  Many of them point back to that time in their own lives as part of their own spiritual growth.

There are really very few women I've actually met with one-on-one to "pour into" or mentor as much as I've just walked with them and we've learned together.  My style of discipleship is through friendship.  As a friendship develops, I invest time in that friendship and when we're together, we just talk about God-things.  It's a give-and-take of conversation where we learn from one another and pray together.  At the same time we were doing P&P, I began meeting with a group of women to pray.  We met on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5:30 a.m. and shared and prayed until 7:00 a.m.  That gave us time to meet and pray before having to get our kids ready for school.   It was a commitment.  But we were all very needy...and I think because each of us had such big needs in our lives and we were all honestly and openly sharing those needs and praying together about them, it created loyalty among us.  I think being vulnerable is essential to a deep friendship.  We protected one another and never shared what happened in those prayer times.  It was between us and God.  It was an exciting time as we watched God work in our lives!

Can you have friends as a pastor's wife?  Oh, I hope you will!!  Might you be betrayed?  Yes.  There's always that chance.  Jesus was.  I once told a friend a very intimate detail about my life and she shared it publicly.  It damaged our friendship even though we tried to talk it out.  Can you have more than one intimate friend?  Yes.  You may have many.  Will it create jealousy among the women of your church?  It could.  But you have to remember that there are baby or immature Christians in your church.  But you can lead by example of being a good friend just like Jesus did.  And you have to have a friend to model friendship.  I've had friendships through the years that ended because of disagreements. I've had relationships which were very lopsided with me investing much more than the other person.  Or I've had relationships where the other person was desperately clingy.  I had to back out of those friendships as gracefully as possible because they just weren't healthy.

Good friendships don't come easily.  There's a cost.  I bet if you examine your close friendships you'll find that it's the hard stuff which creates a bond.  It's walking together through a crisis, pressure, or trying circumstances which will cause you to link arms and make it through together.  You may become best friends with other staff wives because of hard experiences in your church.  Or you may becomes best friends with an extended family member or other wives with whom you have shared experiences.

I'm just hoping you'll give friendship a chance.  Ask the Holy Spirit (who is your teacher, counselor, guide...) to lead you to a good, loyal friend.  Ask Him to help you be the friend you need to be.  Solomon said it pretty well....

"There are “friends” who pretend to be friends, 
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Proverbs 18:24 (TLB-emphasis mine)

Ask the Holy Spirit for that kind of friend--the one who sticks closer than a brother.  I'm praying He blesses you with a good, loyal, trustworthy friend--a friend for life.  A friendship filled with grace.

A Prayer for You by Becky Dietz

Father,
I'm asking you to bless us, Your pastors' wives.  You know each of our needs.  Some of us are just starting out as pastor's wives, some are pouring into those around them, some are wounded warriors, some are blossoming and growing, some are in full retreat.  You know each of us by name and our deepest needs.  BREATHE LIFE into us.  Fill us with Your mercy, Your grace, Your love, Your hope.  Massage each heart and cause it to beat in time with Yours.  Help us to come in agreement with You--for everything.  Bless our marriages and our children.  Keep our eyes fixed on You, the Author & Finisher of our faith.  Let us be gracious to those in our churches.  Let us see each church member the way You see them.  Let us be expressions of Your love, Your grace, Your mercy, Your hope.  Draw us near to You; keep us hidden under Your wing of protection.  Give us times of refreshment with You, with our husbands, with our families, and alone.  Father, bless us with good, trustworthy, loyal friends.  Help us to BE a good friend.  We need You, God.  We are desperate to see You move in our lives.  Would You surprise us by the power of Your Spirit?  Would You bless us with a sweet surprise from You today?  Oh God...most of all, would You put praise on our lips?  We want to offer You thanksgiving and praise...even if it's a sacrifice of praise.  Heal us, Daddy...please.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Cookbook Give-Away!

Blogging for Books is offering a contest here on my other blog--just go there to fill out the web form for a chance to win The B.T.C. Old Fashioned Grocery Cookbook.  One cookbook will go to one of my readers from this blog!  FREE!!

This is a beautiful hardbacked cookbook valued at $29.99 filled with photos and stories of a small grocery store/cafe in Water Valley, Mississpppi.  Dixie Grimes' recipes sound amazing!  

The contest starts TODAY and ends on August 20th at 11:59 p.m.  The winner will be drawn randomly by Blogging for Books and contacted by email.

Go there to enter today!!

A Preacher's Son by Ricky Garzon

Ricky & Kallie Garzon with their children

I can honestly only write from the perspective of a son, but still from the perspective of a PK.  The church we served in was small so my parents wore many hats.  I think the average church is around 150 - 250 people now so just imagine it being in that camp.  You often hear of the pastor’s or minister’s kids, for that fact the whole family, being in a fish bowl.  Meaning, everyone is watching.  Or maybe a better description is living life under a magnifying glass.  Everything you say, do and sometimes think is watched carefully because the Pastor’s kids are supposed to be “good” kids.  It’s almost, as Barnabas Piper, son of famed preacher John Piper says, “born with DNA that makes you good”.  Pastor’s kids are sinners.  Paul doesn’t leave us out in Romans 3:23.  

I can’t really look back and think of times I out-right rebelled against my parents.  I just remember how it was implied from the pulpit of both the church and breakfast table (of which my parents have both repented of) how God needed us to be good.  It was a pressure sometimes too great to bear.  I knew God loved me but I always felt like he was upset with me or like He didn’t really like me all that much.  There’s one time in particular I remember I had a friend who didn’t really meet my parents expectations.  (He since has completely left the church and lives a life of blatant sin, so maybe my parents knew how to pick ‘em)  My mom and I got in an argument in our living room one night about this friend.  We both tried out-shouting each other so when I saw my arguments were falling on deaf ears, I left.  Walked out.  My mom and dad both had a habit of walking around our neighborhood park before dusk.  They say it was for exercise but I think it was for their sanity.  I ran to a neighborhood friend’s house and sought temporary sanctuary.  After telling him about the match that had just happened at my house, I walked into his room and sat by his window.  As I looked out into his front yard, the sleepy sun sat behind a mother who wanted to see her son.  She sat in his front yard with her hands behind her back and tears in her eyes.  I made eye contact with her and emotions clogged my throat and sank my heart deep into the pit of my stomach.  The walk from my friend’s room to the front yard seemed short but I practiced my speech maybe ten times before reaching the porch and looking down on her.  “Can we talk?” she asked.  “I guess”, I said as I walked past her and stopped next to her so that we wouldn’t have to make eye contact.  “The thing is, people are watching us.  We have to be careful who we spend time with or people will talk.”  she said.  “So aren’t we supposed to hang out with people Jesus would have hung out with”, I said very pharisaically.  “Yes.  If you want to bring him to our house, that’s fine.” she paused.  “Just please know that people are watching everything we do.”  It seemed to be nailed on my heart that night.  People were watching.  I always knew this, it had just never struck a nerve.  

I think my mom would have handled this differently knowing what she knows now.  The spirit has freed her in so many areas held captive by the law.  If I could encourage minister’s wives in any way, it would be, do not preach law to your kids.  Preach grace.  Grace has wrecked my life, in a good way.  Everything I thought I was doing  good for God I now know Jesus already did.  The Father sees me how he sees his son.  Romans 8:1 is a solid seal of “no condemnation” the spirit has placed on my heart from the moment Jesus cried, “it is finished”.  It’s done.  No more work to be done…so now we can get to work.  One pastor says, “you want to make people mad?  Preach law.  You want to make people furious?  Preach grace”.  Grace pays the drunk who shows up five minutes before the day is done the same wage as the the one who has been working all day.  Grace messes up our hair and our plans.  

I’ll end with this story about my dad.  When I was in college I was hired as a youth associate at a large church for the summer.  I was dating a girl who went to the same church and she went to work on staff at the camp we would  head to after a few weeks.  The week crept closer and of course, I had not prepared, financially for the trip.  I called my mom the day before we were supposed to leave and asked her for money.  I lived about an hour and fifteen minutes from my hometown so the drive, even then, would have been too expensive.  “Can I meet you guys half way so I can get some money for camp?”  I inquired.  “Let me talk to your dad.”  The words I dreaded to hear.  My dad got on the phone and asked how I was.  I skipped the pleasantries and asked him for cash.  He asked me a few questions about my paycheck.  After some prying, I confessed that I had spent it, basically on reckless living.  Upon my confessions followed some “how dare you’s” and not so kind words into my dad’s listening ear.  I slammed the phone down and started in on plan B.  A few hours later I heard a knock on my door.  I opened the door and saw my parents standing there.  “Are you hungry?”  my dad asked.  “Yes”.  I replied.  “Let us take you to dinner.”  We drove into town and ate where most college kids couldn’t even afford to buy a glass of water.  Not one word was mentioned about the prior conversation on the phone.  They just asked about the camp and how my girlfriend was doing and how I was liking my ministry.  After dinner, they took me home and as we said our goodbyes my dad handed me two, crisp hundred dollar bills.  “I love you.  Have fun.”  he said.  The words hung heavy over my head as I walked into my apartment.  Not one word about what I had said.  Still to this day.  Not. One. Word.  I asked my mom about this recently and she said, “Your dad knew, in the long run, law makes the wayward run and never come back.  Grace might make the wayward run, but they always come back.”

“Well may the accuser roar of sins that I have done, I know them well and thousands more, Jehovah knoweth none.”

*Are you a preacher's kid?  How did growing up as a PK affect you?

Ricky's parents, Ricardo & Isabel Garzon

Book Review by Becky Dietz

I love to read!   So...often I will post books on this blog which have meant a lot in my life.  They may have come at a time when I needed them most or when I was ready to hear their message.  But if I remember a book or an author, that means they're a big deal to me.  

The first book I want to review is Classic Christianity by Bob George.  If you're a Kindle reader, you can download it here on Amazon.  If you like to hold a hard copy, you can also get it on Amazon or if you want a bargain, go here to Half.com.  (I've bought from this website for years!)

I bought Classic Christianity from Major Ian Thomas' book table when he came to our church in Borger, TX.  At the time, I was working through some emotional healing and had started my journey in asking God for truth in everything I did.  This book was like a dynamite explosion in my hands at that moment in my life.  The truth that Bob George teaches in this book has served me well for about 15 years.  I believe the message in it is timeless.

Bob George says his book is for bogged down, burned out Christians.  If you're doing all the right things and still feel weary, this book is for you.  He began his own Christian walk excited and in love with Jesus only to end up a few years later (after getting involved in Christian work) burned out and used up.  Bob cuts to the heart of the issues which cause so many believers to start out in a radical way only to end up going through the motions.  Bob shows you the way back to life--through Truth and the power of the Holy Spirit.

If this describes where you are, I hope you'll give this book a chance!

*What books have changed your Christian walk?

The Wait by Lindsey Dietz

In the summer of 2008, my husband had just graduated from Christ For The Nations Institute. Excited that he finally had the tools in his belt to step into the full-time ministry calling we had been seeking our entire lives together, we moved back to the Panhandle and in with my mom. We didn't think we'd be there long. After all, weren't churches lining up to interview us for full-time positions? Over half of our income from September through December was from churches who paid us to come and interview, lead worship, and meet with their staff. Two churches called us in three times. We thought we were in high demand and that it wouldn't be long before we stepped into the life we'd always dreamed of.

Those four months of interviewing, sure we would find "the church" in no time, turned into four years. The first year was the hardest of all. We affectionately refer to that time of our lives as "Year 5". 

Year 5 was awful on so many levels. On the surface, moving back in with your mom after five years of marriage and two kids is rough. We had to live with her because we were post-school and had no money. Moving back to the Panhandle was difficult too because we had made some of the best friends of our lives at school, and they weren't there anymore. If you don't know anything about CFNI, the best thing I can compare it to is a bubble. It is a spiritual bubble where you are surrounded by people who share the same calling and beliefs as you do. You live on campus, work on campus, hang out on campus. Your kids go to preschool on campus. Other than grocery shopping or eating out occasionally, you rarely leave the bubble. Moving back to the Panhandle was almost culture shock to us!

David had waited tables while he was in school, and we were glad that the same restaurant he worked at in Dallas was also in Amarillo. He had a job waiting for him as soon as we came home. Our kids were still very little, just 3 and 4 years old. I'm so glad we had them because they gave us a reason to establish a day-to-day routine. Waiting tables was supposed to be a temporary gig, something to pay the few bills we had at my mom's until a church hired us. 

We were all home together everyday until 5:00 when he would leave for work. We fell into our routine of waking up, eating breakfast together, playing outside before it got hot, having lunch, taking afternoon naps, and then seeing Daddy off to work. It wasn't too bad at first. When the first four months of being back home came and went and we still didn't have the job we wanted, discouragement and hopelessness started to set in.

I can't really explain the cycle of emotions that we went through, both together as a couple and separately. Neither of us wanted to accept that churches were not, in fact, lined up around the block to hire David. To admit that seemed like giving up or worse, failure. What was the point of going to school and all the other stuff we had done over the years if we couldn't land a job doing what we were called to do?! 

Of course, there were people praying for us and supporting us all over the place, but those prayers and support didn't mean much when we were sitting in my mom's living room, wondering if waiting tables and living off my mom's generosity was it for us.

I've gone back a few times and read journals and blog entries from Year 5. I tried so hard to be strong and spiritual, but really I was so embarrassed. It didn't matter how much I knew about Jesus, how many Scriptures on His provision I memorized, how many times I read Isaiah 40:30-31, how often people told me they were praying for us. I wanted it to matter, but it didn't. I was ashamed that I had to live with my mom again. I was ashamed that my husband waited tables for a living. I was embarrassed that everyone else's preschoolers were at Mother's Day Out, but we couldn't afford it. I was embarrassed that we had one car and that we relied on hand-me-downs for our kids' clothes. 

Our marriage started getting very shake-y. David lost all sense of who he was. We both began to question if he had even been called into the ministry. Night after night he waited tables. There wasn't enough money coming in from that--remember the recession in 2008-2009?--so I went to work part-time at a doctor's office. It was hard enough that David's dreams of ministry weren't fulfilled. Going back to work meant my dreams of staying at home full-time with my kids weren't happening either. 

We argued and nit-picked at each other all the time. I was controlling. He was unmotivated. I am a fixer and a doer, and I wanted to fix him and our circumstances, and when I couldn't do anything, I became more controlling. I would yell; he wouldn't say anything. We quit praying together, quit reading our Bibles. We quit talking about "the calling", and we stopped looking for ministry jobs. I don't think we could have admitted it then, but we'll both readily tell you now that we were mad at God and probably throwing a hissy fit because we weren't getting our way.

After we had lived at my mom's for almost a year, David received a phone call from a local pastor who was planting a church in downtown Amarillo. They needed a worship leader and wanted to know if David would be willing to lead worship on Sunday mornings without pay. I'm glad David told that pastor that he needed to think about it, because he wanted to tell the guy a big, fat NO over the phone.

We talked about it. I was excited. Someone finally found us! This was our chance! David was the exact opposite. He wasn't the least bit interested. I wish I could say that I took the position of a gentle and quiet woman who is pleasing to the Lord, but I didn't. I believe, to this day, that my words came from the Lord, but the execution of what I told my husband lacked grace and love. 

"If you're called to lead worship, you'll do it for free." Those were my words to him. I'm sure they stung his heart and his pride. 

In hindsight, I know that the main reason he wanted to be paid was because we were barely making ends meet and every little bit counted. He's always been a good, dependable bread winner for our family, and even an extra $100 a month would have helped so much. In the back of his mind though, he was also thinking, "I've been to school. This is my calling. I'm a dang good worship leader. I deserve a little something to compensate me for my time."

We argued back and forth about it for a week. Ultimately, he gave in (probably to shut me up) and decided that he would give this gig a try. The Lord gave him a few talents, and I am so proud that my husband was faithful. Week after week, he showed up and gave it his best. It was just him and his guitar--no band, no fancy sound system, nothing. The people weren't worshippers, but David worshipped in spite of that. Every 3-4 months the church would give us a small check, always saying David was worth more but that was all they could bless us with. We made new friends, a few of which are still part of our lives.

We later realized that began a healing in our hearts. Was it the ultimate full-time worship pastor position we wanted? Heck no. Was it glorified in any way? Not even a little. But it was enough to kindle the last bit of hope we had inside of us that maybe, just maybe, we didn't miss God in our calling after all.

The rest of the story is that God moved in our situation after time. We eventually moved out of my mom's house, got an apartment, and a few months later, bought a home. David eventually found a full-time job at a local non-profit, but he did keep waiting tables for another couple of years. When the little church plant didn't make it, we started attending another, larger church, and God worked on our hearts and our marriage even more. We started homeschooling, and little by little, our hearts were knit back together again.

We learned a lot during Year 5 that I wasn't really able to articulate until much later.

First, we learned how amazing our parents really are. They never gave up on us, never made us feel badly or ashamed of our situation, always spoke with great wisdom and understanding, never quit praying, never stopped encouraging, and were a great help to us in so many ways. I used to roll my eyes when my mom would tell me that God had a plan or when my mother-in-law would say that what God had for us was just around the corner. 

Second, the spirit of control had a stronghold in my life. There are a lot of things I would do and say differently if I could re-live this time in our lives. God did a work in my heart later and helped me surrender my need for control. After I did that, David blossomed and continues to blossom. Things I had nagged him about for years he just started doing without me saying anything. I firmly believe it's because I was stifling him as a person with that spirit of control. When that spirit left, there was growth and change in us both that had never been able to take root before. My husband is a radically different man now, and I know it's because God was so good to gently expose the stronghold of control in my life and prune it out so real growth could happen.

Finally, even though I didn't say it with a lot of grace and understanding, this was true for us: If you're called to do it, you'll do it for free. We had to learn the hard way that ministry, true ministry, is how you meet needs and love people when there's absolutely nothing in it for you. When there's no paycheck, no title, no fancy office, no one offering to take you out for lunch. When you're a nobody to everybody but God. I really believe we would have had another (long, exhausting) trip around the proverbial mountain if David had said no and walked away from the opportunity to fulfill his calling without compensation. (And I'm glad that God used my nagging in this one instance! HA!) 

Four years and 20 days after he graduated from CFNI, David was hired as a full-time worship pastor. If you had told me on the day he graduated that we would wait four years for the right job and church to come along, I would have laughed at  you. Now, although those four years (especially the first of the four) were trying, I'm thankful things worked out the way they did. We weren't mature enough in 2008 to take on the ministry that God entrusted us with in 2012. Those four years worked out so much in our character. We would have looked like idiots if we had gotten a full-time position in 2008!

Becky asked me a question: Did you find purpose in the wait?

My answer might surprise you... No, I didn't. In hindsight, I have found purpose in what I went through in my own heart and mind and what my marriage endured. But at the time, no, I didn't find purpose. I also wasn't looking for it. A lot of church-y people would probably frown on that, but I think it's ok. We were ticked off at God. We didn't understand what we were going through would ultimately be for our benefit. God can take (and did take) our anger. Even when I wasn't praying or in the Word or treating my husband very nicely, His love and purpose for me never changed. In the thick of it, I may not have found purpose. But it's what has happened since this experience that has been the true purpose. It's the way I relinquished control in my marriage and allowed my husband to lead. It's the decisions that we've made to minister to people when no one else knew about it. Purpose was found when we finally took that full-time, paid position and actually had some wisdom to impart to others. No, I didn't find purpose then; but I do NOW. I am still using the lessons I learned in the months and years following that "Year 5", and I'm grateful for the experiences that have given me the wisdom to make better choices, speak to people more gracefully, and trust God even when I have no clue what He's doing.

If you're in a waiting period right now, I want to encourage you to just know that it won't last forever. You can roll your eyes at me if you want...I promise I understand. You're going to grow so much in wisdom and character that six months or a year or two from now, you won't even recognize the wiser person staring back at you in the mirror. I still don't recognize her sometimes. 

What does waiting on God look and feel like to you?

*Lindsey Dietz is a full-time mom and homeschool teacher to her two beautiful children.

Her husband, David, recently took a position as Network Administrator at Grace Community Church & School in Tyler, TX.  Lindsey is a gifted writer and former editor of CFN Magazine, The Voice.  She loves to cook with organic foods, has studied nutrition, and has embraced natural living.  She hopes to own a farm some day and grow her own food...and maybe even write about it.