Pastor's wife, the biggest piece of advice I can offer you as a pastor's wife is to be yourself. God created you uniquely for His own purposes and you can only fulfill that purpose by being who He created you to be. It's so easy as a pastor's wife to get caught up in pretense because of people's expectations of you. It's easy to slip into a super-spiritual mode because everyone thinks you should be. Or to be the women's ministry queen because it's thrust upon you. But the greatest gift you can give your church is to just be YOU. Now that doesn't mean you won't be stretched or be forced to do some ministries which are not your calling--because God sees to it that you're stretched and He's called you to serve. But purpose in your heart that there won't be any pretense.
If you're in a mega church, it may be that you just feel like you get lost. There's a pastor for every ministry and you can't figure out how to plug in...much less, how to make friends. If you're in a very small church, you may feel overworked because it takes everyone to make every ministry work. And if you're in a middle-sized church, they may be watching you a little more closely to see if you're going to be the outgoing wife they can put on their pedestal. Interestingly, we've been in all three sizes.
God blessed me with some great friends in each of our churches. I gravitated towards people who allowed me to be myself and with whom I could be totally honest. But as I talked to a dear friend last night, she told me, "That's a two-way street." We, as pastor's wives, have to be willing to allow others to be themselves with no judgment. It's a give-and-take. If we want to be ourselves, we have to allow others to be themselves. We have to receive one another just like God created us. That's not to say that we can all just happily live in the flesh at all times. But realistically, we're all going to make mistakes. We're going to hurt one another. It's allowing for those mistakes while encouraging one another to walk closer to God.
We can't be a pastor's wife with real, honest, open relationships if we're pretending to be someone we're not and remaining aloof. We've got to be willing to be real. I'm actually a bit of a rebel when it comes to this--in a good way, I hope. I refuse to be put in a mold. Churches of any size have expectations when it comes to their pastor's wife. I quickly try to let my new church know that I'm probably not going to fit in their mold. I get my hands dirty, I laugh loudly, I love deeply. But I also hate planning showers, planning pretty women's functions, or organizing VBS. I may do it, but it's not my thing and people will quickly find out I drag my feet a bit when I'm doing something I don't enjoy. But I also don't expect them to do more than their share or to do things they don't enjoy consistently. I wear pants, jeans, shorts, and capris much more often than I wear dresses or skirts. As Andy & I made a hospital visit this week after a funeral (and I was dressed up more than usual), I said, "I probably should dress like this more often when we make hospital visits." We laughed...because we both knew I probably wouldn't. I proved us to be correct the next day when we made another hospital visit. But just because I don't like to dress up or plan VBS doesn't mean you don't! But that's just it...be true to who you are!
Take time to evaluate where you are. Are you doing things you hate doing? Why are you doing it? Is it to share a load that needs to be shared....or are you trying to gain people's favor? Do you get your hands dirty? If not, are you trying to perpetuate the model of a pastor's wife on a pedestal? In everything you do, who are you trying to please? God...or man? If it's not God, you need to stop and allow Him to adjust things. Don't be afraid to change your course or yourself.
Purpose to be real.
Being real doesn't mean you have to be harsh. Being real is saying, "I'm here to fulfill the purpose for which God has called me. I want to please Him with all of my heart. Let's do this thing called 'church' together!"
