Easter & Pastor's Wives by Becky Dietz

It's so hard to pause and truly appreciate Easter when you're a pastor's wife.  Easter Sunday is probably the busiest Sunday of the year!  Finding Easter clothes on a budget, Easter baskets for the kids (if you do that kind of thing), getting everyone fed and dressed and to church, helping your pastor-husband with many logistics in the Easter service(s), getting a family photo while everyone is dressed in their Easter Sunday best, cooking an Easter meal and possibly having family or friends over, making sure children change out of their Easter clothes....it's enough to say, "Come quickly, Lord Jesus!  Finish this thing!" 

There may be no way out of the mayhem you'll face this Sunday.  So can I just suggest something?  Take these few days for yourself leading up to Easter to focus on Jesus and what he went through.  This is a good site to look at the timeline of the life of Jesus leading up to the cross and resurrection.  It's helped me as I've remembered what Jesus endured.  Have a grateful heart this week.  Thank God for giving up His Son.  Thank Jesus for his willingness to go to the cross for you.  Praise God that Jesus didn't stay dead!!  Be appreciative that you get to serve Him by loving Jesus' bride.

I encourage you to find an age-appropriate movie to watch with your family this week about the death and resurrection of Jesus.  Ask your kids afterwards if they have any questions.  If you have small children, plant some flowers together from seed (if there's not still snow on the ground where you live!) and talk about how it's a picture of Jesus.  The seed has to die--but new life will come.  

Do something for someone else this week.  Bake some cookies, invite a widow or widower to join you for a meal, babysit for a single mom....give and love.  Be reminded of why Jesus came and what His mission on earth was all about.  Use it as a teachable moment for your children.

Be intentional.  Think about the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.  Remember why He came.  And fulfill what He's called us to do...even in little ways.

HE IS RISEN!  HE IS RISEN, INDEED!

Transitions by Pam Holman

As my first time with you, I’d like to tell you a little about myself and about some transitions in my life – transitions that we all have and how we respond to them.

I married the love of my life, Randy, at the age of 18 while he was 20. We grew up in the same little country church and met when I was in 6^th grade and he was in the 8^th grade.  I’m still head of heels for him!  J   I worked while he finished college and we had our first child 3 years later, followed by 2 others.  More about being a mom and Gigi (grandmother), later!  I’ve been a stay at home mom, had my own business with Discovery Toys (LOVED this job!!), worked in a doctor’s office part-time, worked many years as assistant to the principal in the school district so I could have the same schedule as my kids, and finally after the kids left home, became the Preteen/Children’s Minister (part-time) at church.  When I am passionate about something, I put my whole being into it, so Randy said I went from a 40 hour full-time work week at school, to a 65 hour part-time and half the pay work week at church!  J   But God had given me a vision and passion to revamp our whole ministry to reach more children and truly make a difference in their lives.  But that is another story!  My life has been full of transitions and I have no doubt yours has been, too!

I have been a staff wife for 42 years and have experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly! I’ve thrown suitcases in the middle of the floor (mentally!) and told God to get us out of here!!  J That didn’t work, by the way!  I learned the hard way how prayer gossip works – Randy shared something with me and I shared it with a friend asking for prayer.  Next thing I knew, he heard about it from someone and knew the only person he shared his concern with was me.  Uh-Oh!!  Prayer gossip is rampant, I’ve learned.

Two years ago, God revealed that after 15 years, I had completed the vision He had given me and it was time for another transition.  He brought the person who would take this ministry to the next level and I trained her for a year before officially “retiring” last May.  The church gave Randy, my husband, sabbatical time and we used it to travel last summer and fall to some places on our bucket list.  We have a little hybrid travel trailer and after spending 5 solid weeks in it, we decided we still love each other and enjoy being together!  It was a precious time and we had so much fun!!

Another transition.  Upon returning from our time away, I visited an adult Sunday School class.  That very day, I knew sitting in a class was not for me!  Besides, it was WAY too different from the way we do Sunday School in the Children’s Ministry!  J  So I began greeting at the entrance to our Children’s building and hugging on parents, kids and substituting in the baby classes after the greeting time.   It was OK, but still didn’t seem what God had for me – so I continued to wait for His direction – that is always the hard part!!  One day the Preschool Coordinator asked if I would consider teaching a Young Adult Ladies Class for women who just haven’t connected with Sunday School. (They don’t feel comfortable in a couple’s class because their husband’s don’t attend, they are single again, they are an older single, etc…)  It was to be a class located in a room off the Preschool hallway, so it would be close to those who had young children – they would be near them.  And since we wanted to reach women in our community, who might never have attended Sunday School, we wanted a class location that would not be intimidating.  I prayed about it and tentatively said I would try, but that I was NOT a teacher!!  I’m a leader, encourager, hugger, organizer, and relational, but we would need to find a Bible Study approach with a DVD teacher!  J  We made up a class roll of women we knew who weren’t attending, I contacted all of them, created a fun environment in the room and we began.  The first Sunday we had 6, the next Sunday we had 12, and the 3^rd Sunday we had 18.  After 6 weeks, we have 21 on the class roll.  What really surprised us was that we had women from early 20’s to their 70’s!!  God took our willingness to try something unique and different, and has blessed our socks off!!  We are taking every single person’s gift in our class and using it to minister to others.  We have a class photographer, a breakfast club team, mission organizers, encouragement teams, social media team, Ladies Night Out team, and whatever else we need to make sure all of us are connected! 

Life is full of transitions and as I get to know you more, maybe the transitions we all go through will be made easier because of our friendships and sharing of our experiences! God has a plan for us and I can hardly wait for the journey with you!!

Pam Holman

Staff Wife – 42 years

Currently at FBC Lubbock – 34 years

Worked with Preteen / Children’s Ministry – 15 years

Currently teaching a ladies intergenerational Sunday School Bible Study class

Words that describe me: energetic, creative, positive, passionate, fun-loving, encouraging, compassionate

Book Give-Away

After reading the series of blogs by our Anonymous Pastor's Wife, another pastor's wife recommended this book.  This book is actually out of print, but we've found a copy.  We're having a give-away on our Facebook page--so head on over there!  All you have to do is leave a comment telling us your all-time favorite Christian book.  This is all part of our Pastor's Wives Appreciation Month!

Adultery in My Marriage by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife--Part 5. A Family Redeemed!

Becky and I have known each other for a long time, but the details that lead up to us meeting once a week after my husband left were nothing short of God’s tender care over my life.  He set it up and then Becky so graciously gave up one afternoon a week to pray and listen.  She listened without an ounce of judgment of who we had become, or what sins our pasts were riddled with.  We did not talk bad of my husband, nor did we pretend that we knew the answers to why this was happening.  We simply allowed God to move in power as she held my hand and walked beside me through each step of this hard process.  It was during one of those meetings where God changed everything.  A mountain was moved, and He left no doubt in any of our minds that He was at work.

Right before I was about to meet with Becky, my husband had called to see if we could discuss a few things.  I told him I was headed to town and I would meet him but that I would not talk over the phone.  He was mad and frustrated and I was not going to let our emotions rule this conversation.  As we talked, something strange happened.  We had a decently peaceful discussion and even laughed a little.  His anger grew weaker and I felt more comfortable with him than I had in a long time.  It was as though he could actually see me, the real me.

Strangely enough, as we were talking, she kept calling him.  Over and over her unwanted phone calls rang through the thick air of the car.  I knew he was leaving to meet her and as soon as I got in my car to meet Becky, I called her and asked her to pray.  We prayed the roof off of the car that afternoon.  We prayed that God would turn my husband’s heart away from her and that he would see the truth.  We prayed that he would be disgusted by her and of his sin.  We prayed that satan would no longer have his way with my marriage.  The power of God’s Spirit was so present and I could feel His love all around me.  We had dinner together and as I was driving back to my parent’s house that night, my phone rang.

I knew.  I knew that God had heard our prayers and performed a miracle.  I had asked God for so long to make us new that when He did, I believed it.  The next weekend, our children and I moved into the apartment where my husband had been living.  My parents thought it was a bad idea and understandably, had horrible feelings towards my husband.  They had carried so much of our burden with us and for us, and had seen the ugliest part of what an affair can do to the hearts of those left behind.  But, I had a choice.  I had to believe that God was going to do this.  I had no faith or trust left for my husband at this point, but I believed in God.  I was fighting to keep my family together and I had confidence that God would work this out for our good.  It was not easy.  I was walking blindly, with so many questions and hurts and fears, but I was walking all the same.  Tiny steps towards what I hoped for.

A dear friend of mine was once told that fighting for her marriage with a cheating husband was the weak choice to make.  I assured her that one of the hardest, strongest choices you can ever make is to stay.  Choosing to stay will remain one of my hardest battles.  Those first two years were a constant up and down struggle for what I knew was true and what history had burned into my memory.  There were reminders all over and the biggest of all was the one I had fought for.  I unintentionally often drove by a hotel where I knew he had been with her.  We had a couch that he had bought for his new home apart from me.  I found an old cell phone with text messages of adoration for someone else.  I did not have to look far for the bricks that could have built a new wall of resentment between us.  They were all over.  But, little by little the remainders of what once was began to diminish.  We dumped the couch.  He threw the cell phone so hard into a dumpster and we watched it bust into hundreds of pieces.  The laptop where this hidden relationship had begun became dust particles on our porch.

I have had many hurts, but thankfully I did not have a lot of hate.  I prayed for God to keep my heart soft from day one, and He did.  However, there was one specific moment where I remember a very strong emotion welling up from the pit of my soul.  The woman my husband had been with was devastated that their plan to be together did not work out.  My husband was working in a public place that she knew of, and she began showing up during his breaks.  He was very honest with me about this and had told her that it was over and that she needed to stay away.  She did not stay away.  And so I found her.  I knew I would not be able to find an email address, so I found her on social media and wrote her a private message.  I guess it was a respectful warning of sorts.  She was still living in secret and I let her know that if she did not stay away, I would bring it into the light.  We were making progress, and I was not going to allow her to disrespect my children and I any longer.  We never heard of her again.

You see, choosing to stay means that in your weakness and weariness, your sword is out and you are ready to fight.  Not with yelling, accusing, harsh words or rubbing the wrongs of others in their faces, but in the way you love when it is not deserved or you forgive daily.  It is hard and gruesome work for everyone involved.  It is by no means a glorious, magical life.  It took in depth counseling, non-stop patience, dying to self, loving beyond anything our emotions tried to lie to us about, unending forgiveness, wise counsel from close friends and lots and lots of prayer.  And God.  God took what was a complete disaster and made it beautifully new.  We look back on those 7 years and cannot believe that was us.  Our marriage is not perfect, but we have now been married 8 years beyond that horrible experience.  We are in the much better half.  Through these 8 years God has restored us to each other and to Him.  He daily reminds me of what He did all those years ago, and I am in awe of His love and passion for us.  He is for marriage.  He is for us.  Choosing to stay is the best decision I have ever made.

*This is a very long, yet condensed version of our amazing testimony of God’s goodness in our marriage.  Even though this is written anonymously for the sake of our young children, my husband and I are more than happy to visit with anyone facing the devastation of an affair.  We understand how hard it is to reach out while in ministry.  We are an open book and will answer any questions you have.  More than anything know that you are not alone!  Please contact Becky and she can get us together.*

Written by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife

Adultery in My Marriage by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife--Part 4

Separation. 

I hate that word. 

It seems so mild in comparison to what actually happens to your entire being, while being forced apart from the one you pledged your life to.  The days after my husband moved out were some of THE HARDEST DAYS.  There is no candy coating this season of my life.  I felt like God was ok with me trusting in His goodness and faithfulness, and at the same time being incredibly sad and lost.  Like He could handle that.  And He did. 

The kids and I were living with my parents, he was at an apartment, our home was selling in another town, and we (he) was trying to work out the details of what this new life was going to look like.  It was around Christmas, and I remember an especially rough day when he began the discussion of our children being with him and his family for the day to celebrate…without me.  It was so surreal and horrible.  Our precious children had no clue what was happening, and I was doing my best to keep their hearts free from hurt, while answering their questions about why Daddy wasn’t sleeping at our house.  They cried for him and missed him every bit as much as I did.  We were a mess.

The “not knowing” is just so tough.  I was desperately crying out to God to heal my marriage and bring my husband back to Him.  As I was worrying about how I would pay the bills and move in to my own place, he was picking out furniture and shopping for cookware.  He was starting over.  He was very vague in talking to me, and if he had anything to say to me it was usually over a quick email or phone call.  He had built huge walls around his heart and his life, and I was on the outside, running like crazy to find an opening to make my way back in.  Would we ever sleep in the same bed again?  Would we ever travel again, which we enjoyed so much?  I did not know if I would be signing divorce papers.  I did not know if our children would be spending half of their lives apart from me.  There were just so many unanswered questions, and I was desperate to find answers.  Each day moved by so slowly, but then the bombshell finally came.  I had to meet him at work one afternoon, and he told me he was going to talk to an attorney about what it would take to file for divorce. 

Divorce.

The other word I hate.

This was not my choice and actually was the last option I was willing to be a part of.  I told him that if he wanted a divorce, then he would have to make all of the steps in the awful direction.   I was not going to help him out in any way.  He was on his own. 

And I cried.  I cried a lot. 

A couple of nights after that conversation, I was out for a cold walk around the track.  I was sobbing and asking God for direction and strength.  I lay down on the stiff ground, and looked at the stars through foggy eyes.  I knew if He was big enough to design and create the universe, then He could surely get me through this.  I have never felt His deep presence as I did during those excruciating days and nights. 

One evening, I was on the bedroom floor with my Bible open, reading through Isaiah.  The baby was sleeping, so the room was dark and I was using my phone flashlight to see the words.  I looked up into the corner of the room, and there was a blazing shield hanging in the air.  It was so real, I was afraid of the heat that should have been emanating from the flames.  Never again have I experienced anything like it.  I felt assured that it was God giving me a powerful sign of His protection over me.  He was fighting for me and with me, and this battle was not between my husband and I.  There was a spiritual war waging.  What Satan wanted to destroy, God was fighting to restore.

I had begged.  I had pleaded.  I had used the best words I knew to try to convince my husband he was wrong.  All I had left was prayer.  So I prayed.

And prayed.  And prayed.  And prayed…

Written by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife

Adultery in My Marriage by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife--Part 3

One of the most intimate, kindest gifts God has ever given me is the gift of forgetting.  She has a name and a face.  I do not remember either.  I can recall so many of the details of what once happened along the years of our lives together, yet these specifics are lost.  At one point in my life I thought I needed all the answers, and now I know that I have what is necessary, and no more.  God allowed just enough.  Just the right amount of information to move me forward, yet not enough to break me. 

It was a cold November night when I felt that I had been broken.  The one before he left and we were together in the same bed yet worlds apart.  The last excruciating night when I asked again and he finally answered.  The night I learned that the woman from the internet was more than just someone to talk to in the alone hours of the night.  He said she was amazing and she understood him.  She allowed him to be himself and listened and encouraged.  She had been there when I was not.  She was a wife and a mother, and in an unhappy place herself.  She needed and he needed.  Through secret communication there became a drawing of hearts and souls, needing to be fed.  Words were no longer enough, there must be more.

My husband left the next morning in search of more.  More passion.  More excitement.  More attention.  More of what he felt he deserved at the young age of 30, too young to be so burdened and tied down.  And she promised the freedom he longed for. 

I decided long ago that my battle with her was not worth my time.  In my heart, I knew that she was also being lied to and made to believe that this fairy tale ended with a white horse instead of a burned down castle.  I made up my mind to focus my attention on what I needed to do to keep my family together.  That was not an easy task considering the fact that he had left me for her, and was not giving me any information as to what was happening or even where he was living.  My mind was full of so many brutal questions, and in search of answers, I searched for her. 

Was she beautiful?

Was she provocative?

Where did she live?

Were they seeing each other often?

Were they sleeping together?

Could they truly love each other?

I had no name and no idea of where to start.  He protected her and had allowed her into our personal space.  He had put a wedge between us and the closer they grew together, the farther that wedge pushed us apart.  The thoughts of and feelings for her became an obsession of both of ours.  He wanted more and I wanted less.  I wanted her gone.  GONE. 

It is the most defeating feeling to know your husband has left you for another woman.  There is such a drastic force of insecurity and depression that takes you over, leaving you for dead.  Another woman.  The awful words no wife wants to hear.  And, Satan, in all of his evil and hatred, shining the light of YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH in your face, leaving you blind.  Blind to God’s truth and purpose.  Blind to the fact that she, this other woman, also has faults and mood swings and bad days.  Drowning in a sea of worry that you should have done more, been more, loved harder.  After all, if you had been more like her…  this would have never happened.

And then God happened.  He took that dim light from satan and shoved it down his throat.  Little by little, He began to open my eyes to the fact that we truly were not enough, but He was.  He wrote on my heart that until we searched for Him to be what we needed, we would always be discontent and looking for more.  While it took a good bit of healthy growth and prayer to overcome the insecurities that are left in the aftershock of an affair, I see now.  She holds no power over me.  I feel like that is why God sweetly erased her name out of my memory.  It is a symbol that she does not get to play a role in the script of my life any longer.  He has made all things new.

Written by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife

Adultery in My Marriage by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife--Part 2

I have read a lot of books on how to have an expert marriage in my days.  Christian books, full of advice and answers.  I remember reading a particular piece one day that struck me and I pinned the line in my mind, making sure I did not forget this one.  It was to wives, and it said, “Women, if you are not fulfilling your husband’s physical needs, he will find someone else who will.”  I knew at that moment that I had to change.  I needed a drastic remodel of myself and my feelings towards my duties as a wife.  It was up to me to make this sex thing awesome.  I began working out and wearing more make-up.  I got a new hair cut and color.  I bought lingerie.  I put up the sweats and shaved my legs more often.  I even told my husband that I was not ever going to give him a reason to have a wondering eye.  I would be enough.  I also remember that during that conversation I mentioned that there was no way I could ever stay married to a man who cheated.  How could you ever recover from that?  How could you ever trust again?

I had it all wrong.  My husband had already felt that I did not desire him, and that mixed with the tragic, long-term effects of mental images that had been burned into his heart and his mind as a boy left him searching.  He was searching for love in the form of desire and consistent sexual encounters that blew his mind.  He was searching for something I did not have to give.  As he pushed and I pulled away, we created the perfect storm.  There are many opportunities lurking at each and every door that is opened for someone who is searching.  They don’t have to look far for the answer they believe they need. 

In his searching and my new drive to make sex perfect, I added it to my list of jobs a complete, Christian wife does.  Good sex, often.  Check.  Check.  But that is all it was.  A job.  He felt it, and in all of my hope of making what was wrong, right, I was only leaving him with the feeling that he was a good provider, father, minister and friend, but not a lover.  He needed me to long for him, and I was simply marking a task off of a list for the day. 

Soon after he told me about the past 7 years and the ways he had sought out the other sexual encounters, we did a lot of soul searching and discussing.  I knew we needed to seek professional help, but with the small minister’s single income and our pride, we chose to work it out on our own.  After all, we had signed up for a marriage retreat in November and decided to let that be our savior.  We were moving in the right directions with the secrets out in the open now and were discovering what and who we were. 

It was the end of October, and we were driving through the night to visit close family.  Our sweet babies were sound asleep in the back of the car, and as it grew dark outside, so did the mood inside.  He was very quiet and I finally, nervously, asked if everything was ok?  It wasn’t.  He began to quietly talk about his feelings towards me and with every crushing word, let me know that I was not what he needed, and that I hadn’t been for a while.  He told me that he didn’t know if he loved me any more and that he needed to move on.  Once again, I was in complete shock and instantly began the process of trying to convince him that he was wrong.  That we were perfect for each other.  That he had told me the day before that he loved me.  That we had been through a very hard situation, but we would make it through stronger than ever.  That I knew I had not been enough, but that I was trying harder.  I could not believe that even though we had our struggles he could discount all of the amazing years we had together and the family we had built.  But, he had shut down his heart towards me and there was not a single thing I could do to open it back up.

We made it through the trip and back home, faking every move and word, not letting anyone in to the private hell we were living through.  We decided to go ahead and go to the marriage retreat in Colorado, and I was holding on to the hope that it would change his mind.  That we could get away from the world and find each other.  Once again, I believed that if I could only be enough, we could return home and start over.  It is strange how Satan can play with your mind.  How he can take a marriage and twist and pull until it is torn into pieces.  Our weekend may have seemed mildly successful and more secrets may have been revealed, but we were far from in the clear.  Satan had convinced him that he deserved better and that this was not a battle he should fight.  He was looking for the greener grass and all I could see was the dead of autumn. 

That November, we packed up and left, homeless, jobless and hopeless.  At this point we were still living together with family, but the nights were getting colder.  I remember lying in bed next to him, longing more than ever for him to turn over and see me.  To acknowledge that I was there.  To speak.  To touch.  Anything that would show me that he was working on his end of the deal, yet the only deal he was working on did not have me in the picture.  He had made up his mind and one morning that Thanksgiving week, he was gone.  Just like that, he left and I did not know where he was or have any way to get ahold of him.  He took 7 years of marriage and left them behind as he moved into a quiet new world of self-discovery.

It was in that moment that I realized just how ugly life could be.  I remember falling on my knees begging God to answer the endless questions and help me find my way.  How in the world could I parent these 3 precious, clueless children when I could not even find the energy to eat?  How would I rock them and hold them tight, reassuring them when they asked why their Daddy was not there to tuck them in at night?  How do you do life when part of you has chosen another path?  What do you do with this pain that seems to leave you for dead? 

At the same time I was realizing how awful our circumstances were, God was moving in.  The One who had always been there made sure I knew this was not a battle I would fight by myself.  While the marriage books were collecting dust in a cardboard box in storage, His word was alive and active.  The days of believing in a God of the heavens were gone and He pressed His way into the very air of my bedroom and my lungs.  His voice was thick and His presence firm, and while I did not know the outcome of this tragic affair, He affirmed that my children and I were going to make it through this.   In my loneliness, I was anything but alone.

Written by an Anonymous Pastor's Wife

Adultery in My Marriage by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife--Part 1

I will never look at October the same.  There was a weekend women’s retreat with our church and my husband had stayed home with our 3 amazing kids, who were very young at the time.  I had reluctantly decided to attend the retreat last minute, and had the strangest feeling about the weekend away.  It was as though there was a strong force pulling me to keep me from leaving.  I looked forward to the time away in the beautiful Colorado mountains, yet from the first step out the door I knew.  It is amazing when you look back on the sweet ways that God will whisper to your heart, preparing you for what lies ahead.  During my time at this small, intimate retreat, each lesson that was spoken was written as though my name could have been inserted directly into the notes.  Scribbles of scripture written out on bound spirals, with my secret struggle pasted right over the top.  I can hear the prayer over me from a woman I barely knew, as she searched me out, telling me that God had given her special words to speak over my life.  I sobbed and listened with intensity, cherishing her faithfulness and openness with me.  It was the secret struggle I felt, yet had no idea to what extent or even what the details were.  I knew that we had been having marriage issues and that our life was a chaotic mess with the kids, one being a baby, a complete house remodel, and a very involved, successful ministry.  I still seemed to be pushing forward trying to keep the train full steam ahead, naively believing that we would fix this thing.  If we could just finish the house, our stress level would go down.  If we could just get a little sleep, we would have energy for each other at the end of the long day.  If we could only get away for a relaxing vacation, the worries and busyness of ministry would dissolve and our passion for this great work could carry on...

But the darkness was deep, driven by secrets, and there was about to be a horrendous train wreck on the other side of that weekend.  I stepped out of the van to a cold feeling that I remember to this day.  My husband greeted me with a weak smile, loaded my luggage into our car, and we drove home in awkward silence.   It was as though we were complete strangers.  I asked what was wrong.  He ignored the question.  I went to bed.  He stayed up late.  The next day, the idealistic world that I had been living in crumbled and the story I had written for my life was erased.  It was a new day, and God was bringing healing through excruciating, heart breaking truth.  Little by little, He began to rewrite what would become the new us, and it was a story I did not want any part of.  My identity was being changed by the minute and I was not at all happy to be a part of this awful club I was forced to join. 

That Monday began the same as most others.  We woke up, took our oldest daughter to school and began the morning as always.  Breakfast, clean up, play time, work.  Around lunchtime the babies were asleep and my husband returned home from work for lunch, only there was no eating.  He walked through the door and sat with me on the end of our bed, letting me know he needed to talk.  This moment seems like such a blur, yet I remember every pain filled detail.  I remember the effect of his words, and the way they tore at my heart.  I remember the questions instantly flowing from my mouth…  How?  Why?  When?  He confessed to me that he had been involved with several sexual relationships over the past 7 years outside of our marriage.  He opened up to me about his sexual desires that were not fulfilled and the addictions and expectations that were not met.  He mentioned the woman he had been in conversation with over the internet that encouraged him to share these private, personal details with me.  The woman who had no business being a part of our lives, yet she knew so much.  Too much.  I remember walking out the front door into the freezing October weather, walking down the street without even a coat on, in complete shock.  I was not crying, only walking, and trying to figure out what had just happened and if it was real.  Eventually, I returned back to the house, our home that now seemed so foreign and dark, calling my mom to come get our precious children.  She had no idea.  No one did.  He left and I was so alone and confused and broken.  I instantly began praying, asking God to make sense of it all.  I began to play worship music to try to calm my ever-questioning mind.  It was the first day.  One of the worst days. 

It was also one of the best days.  Now I know that this day of sadness was also a day of God’s grace over both of our lives.  Now I know that for darkness to flee, the awful secrets must be spoken boldly.  Now I know that deceptive marriage is not good marriage.  Now I see that God can take any ugly, beat up, sin filled marriage and make it beautiful again.  But it has to get worse before it can get better. 

Written by an Anonymous Pastor's Wife

A Different Kind of Move by Shanna Dietz

Our second moving experience was completely different from our first.

We had been happily serving at our church in Dalhart for almost a year and a half when, on a camping trip with our friends, Zach got a voicemail from a number we didn't recognize. The message was from a pastor at a church in Oklahoma and he said that he worked with Phil, Zach's uncle. He also said that they were currently looking for a worship pastor and wanted to know if Zach would send his resume. When we heard the message, we actually laughed. We were in no way looking for a new job and definitely weren't looking to move out of state. It seemed very random and we didn't even have a serious conversation about it until a few days later. I think we remembered that it happened on our way home from camping and casually discussed what we should do. I think Zach called his parents to hear their thoughts and even Phil to find out more about the church. We decided that it wouldn't hurt to go ahead and send a resume. It was also helpful that the pastor at our church in Dalhart had told us before that any time an opportunity presents itself, he looks into it and encourages the same for others. So, Zach sent his resume and the next day told our pastor what had happened to be sure to keep him in the loop.

This time around it felt so different. We were in a different season and really quite content where we were. We just told ourselves that we would walk toward the open door and if God wanted us to go through it we would, but if He closed it we would be ok with that too. We didn't need a job like we had needed one the first time. I had really sweet friendships in Dalhart. In fact, one of my friends I made while I was in town trying to find a place to live. We hit it off so well that we were getting together 3-4 times a week within the first few months of living there. We had several reasons to just stay where we were.

The nice thing about not needing a job was that we weren't too worried if it was going to work out or not. We didn't feel a lot of pressure to try to impress the people Zach was in contact with.  But this time, we also didn't have a list of things for God to confirm for us. When we would talk about it and pray about it, we didn't feel like anything was really being said to us. We knew that if we were going to move, we wanted to go to a healthy church, full of life, but that was about it.

The interview process was really long and drawn out. It was so unusual because every time there was a milestone in the process (like a phone call coming or an in-person interview), we would say, "After this we'll probably know." But every time, we always were still pretty on the fence about what God was wanting us to do. Something that was pretty cool, that kept drawing us toward this new church was their heart for orphans. Zach and I have always felt a strong call to adopt eventually and during our interview lunch with the pastor and associate pastor, they were telling us about the large number of adoptions in the church. That was before we opened up about our desires to do that. Another thing they told us about is the huge heart for mission work. Zach and I have been on mission trips and really love to be apart of a body that makes that a priority. We felt like God was stirring in our hearts the things that we've been passionate about and giving us a vision for how that would look at Evergreen.

I remember well how much I loved that God would speak to us so specifically about going to Dalhart. And I would ask Him why He wasn't making it quite as obvious with the new opportunity. We weren't feeling a strong call to move but we also hadn't seen any red flags! He began to show me that He was drawing me to a place in my walk with Him that required more seeking to hear His small, quiet voice and more faith in my ability to hear Him. He was still so faithful to speak to us and direct our steps, but this time it was almost like I had to be a little more mature and willing to trust Him, even when He wasn't writing it in the sky.

Zach was offered the job in September 2014 and by that point we were certain it was what God was calling us to do. Our pastor in Dalhart was so kind and gracious to walk with us every step of the way. We cried when we told our friends we were moving. And I have done quite a bit of crying but have had incredible peace about our move. It was so bittersweet to leave Dalhart--sad to leave our friends/church but excited that God must have a good plan to be taking us somewhere else.

We've been in Oklahoma for just over 4 months and have settled in. I haven't made close, intimate friendships quite as quickly as I did in Dalhart and that's okay. Our church is full of people who genuinely love God and are just plain nice. We have felt so welcomed and loved since we moved here and we are working on investing in our new relationships.

 Shanna has the joy of staying home full time with her two young boys. Her husband is the worship pastor at Evergreen Church in Tulsa, OK. She loves chocolate, coffee and connecting with other women. Her days are usually spent playing cars, singing silly songs, and baking sweets.