Joel and I have been in full-time ministry for the better part of the last 19 years. Our four children have known little else than ministry life. They have known the ultimate highs and the crashing lows. They have experienced the thrill of success and acceptance and they have seen the burden of failure and rejection. We certainly haven’t done it “right” from day one and we are most certainly still learning and growing in this journey of parenting while in ministry but we have learned a few things along the way!
To give you a brief background – we have four kids who now range in age from 13 to 17. Our oldest Hannah is an extreme, and I do mean extreme, introvert. I will share more about her later on in this post and how we have had to help her adjust to a very extroverted family life. Malachi is our second oldest and perhaps the most laid back of the crew but not without challenges. Kestra comes next in line and has a bubbly outgoing personality which is great for moving and change but she also struggles with a learning disability which has brought its own set of challenges in the life of ministry. Tyler is our youngest and God had to have had a grin on His face when he placed him in our mix! Tyler has moderate to severe hearing loss as well as a significant learning disability. Combine that with a personality that is all boy with a servant heart and you have your hands full!
Throughout our years in ministry, we have done everything from non-denominational para-church ministry to bi-vocational to full-time. We have lived in four different states and served in about 9 different ministries – do the math and you come up with a lot of moves, a lot of new schools, and a lot of change on our four children. In all of this we have learned some key points that I want to share with you my minister wife friends.
Flexibility! This is the absolute number one thing that we have learned in so many things regarding our kids and ministry. I mentioned earlier that Hannah was an extreme introvert. Of all our children, moving and change is the most difficult for her. She struggles to make friends and although not a difficult person to be around, she is just very closed and it is hard to really get to know her and understand her. While at our church in Borger, Tx, Hannah hit the lowest point we have ever seen. We moved the summer before her freshman year and in our minds we thought this was perfect timing – all freshmen are new, low man on the totem pole, this will be great! What we didn't take into account was that the culture shock of coming from a very laid back Colorado town where she had been for four years with a small class size to a West Texas town where everyone knew everyone and their family, the school was approximately 3 times larger, and the demographics were largely Hispanic. Hannah was literally thrown to the fire. We didn't truly know the impact until Christmas break of that first year – had we been more alert, the signs were there, we just didn't notice. She began to withdraw even further, was moody, depressed and went from a girl who loved school to a girl who was sick to her stomach at the thought of school. It culminated over Christmas break when she had nightmares of going back to school. At this point we made a prompt and drastic decision – we pulled her out and homeschooled her beginning immediately after break. We literally drove to Mardels one day, bought what curriculum we could and began! We knew that we had to be flexible in this for Hannah’s sake. It was rocky and there were definite bumps in the road, but it was the best for her. With each of our kids we have taken it year by year when it comes to schooling – currently our three oldest are in public school here in Levelland (yes, Hannah has healed and is thriving) and I am homeschooling Tyler our youngest. We have learned that flexibility is paramount in being in ministry and raising kids.
Listen to your kids! This is a huge lesson we have had to learn through the years. It has amazed us at how intuitive our kids are and the things that they see and pick up on that perhaps we miss. Malachi in particular is very good at reading people and seeing things that we miss. We have learned to really listen and read between the lines when our kids share things with us regarding church, school, church members, etc.
Be prayerfully open-minded. Kestra is the only one of our children that has not been homeschooled at any point. Let me emphasize – I never thought I would be a homeschool parent! I never wanted to be a homeschool parent and I certainly never wanted to homeschool a child with special needs! However, due to circumstances in the schools, challenges my kids faced, and their best interest – we knew that we had to put them as our primary ministry and do what they needed. In particular, I had to be open to adjusting my career goals and ministry goals to what was needed for my kids. Much prayer and thought went into each decision and we have seen God bless, heal and restore so much that was damaged in our children by simply being open to something new!
When it comes to helping kids adjust to moves in ministry these three things are essential. Be open with your kids; listen to them and their concerns. Be flexible and willing to change and adjust in whatever area you may need to. Be open-minded and prayerful to what the Lord is calling you to do in regards to your children; I never would have dreamed that I would homeschool much less that I would have so much fun doing it!
Ronnie and her husband Joel have been in full-time youth and children's ministry for the past 19 years. They have four children Hannah, Malachi, Kestra, and Tyler. Along with a heart to serve alongside her husband in ministry, Ronnie has a specific heart for Moms of Preschool age children. She is currently the Director of the Parent's Day Out program at their church in Levelland, Tx. and loves the opportunity to reach families of preschoolers! Whenever possible, she enjoys going on both domestic and foreign mission trips and serving children and families elsewhere. She uses her Thirty One Gifts business as an avenue to contribute to mission efforts around the world and is excited to see God use this to further the Kingdom.
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