I believe an issue all pastors and their wives struggle with is...when is it time to leave your church? How do you know?
It's becoming almost unheard of to stay in the same church for more than 10 years. Heck! If you stay more than 4 years, you've had a longer-than-average stay. Lifeway Research says an average stay for a pastor is 3.6 years. At one church we went to as a youth minister, they had already had 7 youth pastors in 5 years when we got there. To say there were troubles in that church is an understatement. I know of a young pastor who was in his new church for 3 months when he got a note on his door from a disgruntled church member demanding his departure. (The church member was losing his sole control of the church's finances--and wasn't only doing unethical things, but illegal things.) There are more and more problems in the church and sometimes it takes resolve and a strong backbone to stay. 1500 pastors a month are leaving their churches. So...how do you know when it's time to leave?
PRAYER
Of course, the place to start is with prayer. You've probably reached a place of conflict, boredom, or lack of vision if you're asking the question. Take your questions to God and ask Him...and then listen. I'd add to prayer: fast. Do without food, social media, or whatever has your attention and spend that time with God. Get serious about knowing God's plan for your life.
AGREEMENT
You and your husband will have to be in agreement. Usually one of you reaches the place of "knowing" before the other. But don't act on it until you're in agreement that it's time to go. You'll know it's time when you both come to the same place of perfect peace about it. Of course, you'll both need to have lots of conversation and need to keep an open mind and heart. Pray together and listen for God's direction together.
COUNSEL
Hopefully, you have people in your lives who can give you wise counsel--people you can be totally honest with and give the facts of your situation to without fear of recrimination. And hopefully, those people can be totally objective and not be swayed by your emotions or your situation.
WAIT
Give God time to work. You may just need a new vision. Or you may need someone to come alongside you to help carry your load. Or God may want to change some people around you. Don't overreact and jump out of the frying pan--you may land in the fire! I can almost guarantee this--God is looking to change you. Trust me on this one...I'm speaking from experience.
TAKE A STEP
This may sound contrary to the above statement. But there are some of us who get really comfortable in a situation and become afraid to make a move. Or we are so loyal to our church, we're determined to go down with a sinking ship. If either of these things are going on, it may be time to take a step and see if you're following God.
IF NO ONE IS FOLLOWING
If the people in your church are no longer following your ministry, your effectiveness is probably over in that situation. It may be that they are being disobedient or it may be that you've already quit. At any rate, if no one is supporting your ministry, it's probably time to move on.
IF YOU'RE THERE FOR A PAYCHECK
If you've lost your love, your passion, and your heart for this church and are only there because you get a substantial paycheck...it's time to go. This will take some examination and some honesty. But if the answer to this question comes quickly, you already know.
IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES
I wish I could say there was no such thing in the Church...but it takes two sides to work something out. And sometimes two sides just aren't willing. This may come after lots of talking, many private and not-so-private meetings, trying to work through issues, etc., etc. You may have even called in a mediator...but nothing has worked. I'd encourage you not to take it personally. It may be that you're not the person God is going to use to bring that particular church to truth.
RELEASE
God may give you a big sense of release from your church. This release will probably come after you've done many of the steps above. I was very unhappy in one of our churches and begged God for release. Of course, that release didn't come right away. God wanted to teach me some things first. And my husband & I were in complete agreement when the release finally came. In another church, we had worked through lots of conflict but it became obvious we weren't going to bring resolution to the situation. Our effectiveness was over. The release was almost palpable. We knew God was telling us it was time to go.
I think my most heartfelt advice would be this: STAY AS LONG AS YOU CAN! The Church is hurting. She's been abused, taken advantage of, and hurt. Trust is in short supply. It's time we had pastors and wives who are committed to changing that. The Bride of Christ needs to be loved, encouraged, and told she's beautiful. She needs to see Christ in us. She needs to see stick-to-it-iveness. She needs to be hugged with grace and mercy. She needs to see that we are willing to talk and work out our problems...and not be so quick to leave. So instead of asking God when we can leave, maybe it's time we asked, "Do we have to?" It's only in the hearing that we know.
