"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2
Although my husband has been on church staff for the past 35 years, I've just finished my first year of being a senior pastor's wife. Although we love where we are and love the people, it's been a tough year! (I talked about our new church here.)
When we'd been here about a month, we had an older man in our church involved in a serious auto accident. He ended up in the hospital in a halo for about 6 months. Then he moved from rehab to rehab to hospital to nursing home to hospice for the next 6 months. Two months after this gentleman's accident, we found out a prominent man in our church had lung cancer. He began an intense chemo treatment. A month later, I found out my brother had cancer and was dying. A month after that, the lady with the sunniest disposition in our church found out she had two blood disorders (which later turned into leukemia) and within two months was going to the hospital and cancer center every single day for months. I volunteered to organize her rides and filled in as often as I could as driver. My sister was involved in a car accident in July and had her neck Xrayed because it was hurt and they found an abnormal thyroid. Within a month, she knew she had thyroid cancer. Those were just the serious things which happened. My kids were also in a car accident, a grandson was diagnosed with a staph infection, another grandson had a mysterious limp and ended up in the ER. My sister-in-law was diagnosed with macular degeneration and I began taking her to her doctor's appointments every other week. Honestly, I can't even remember everything that happened this past year. I just know it was an intense year...a burden-bearing year.
The gentleman in the car accident died. Andy & I had gone to visit him once a week and I'd fallen in love with him. I was broken over his failing health and then his death. The lady with the sunny disposition died. I'd spent hours and hours with her. I'd even spent a week visiting her at the hospital in Dallas. We were so bonded, she asked me to tell her story after her death. And my brother died. My older brother whom I adored...and couldn't help. I was devastated. And in the process of my brother dying and my sister having surgery, my mom was an emotional wreck, so I was trying to be there for her.
Everything came to a grinding halt this past week. I was exhausted. I'd carried all I could carry. I just had to stop. I mean...I literally could not go on physically, emotionally or spiritually. It usually takes something drastic for me to stop and realize what's wrong. And I realized I'd carried some burdens I wasn't meant to carry. We've been commissioned to carry one another's burdens but there's a fine line between that and having a false sense of responsibility. Sometimes it's so hard to differentiate between the two. Yes, we're to carry burdens but we're not to be the savior. There's only one of those...and it ain't us! I also realized it had been a long time since I'd taken my heavy burdens and laid them at Jesus' feet--and exchanged my heavy burden for his light burden.
If you're carrying some heavy burdens (and who isn't?), I encourage you to stop and examine what you're doing. Is it a burden God has called you to? Or are you carrying a false sense of responsibility? Or do you have a savior complex?
I found that when my brother was dying and I longed for a burden-bearer, I just wanted someone to talk to, someone to send me a text of encouragement, someone to call and pray with me, someone to send me a note. I didn't need someone with me 24-hours a day...I just needed to know someone cared and wanted to help me through such a tough time. That's what most people want in a burden-bearer...someone who just keeps up with you, who's concerned, who will pray and encourage.
2014 was a tough year. But 2015 has gotten off to a good start. God stopped me and pulled me aside and spoke to my heart. I had to give up some false responsibility. I had to confess I had tried to be a savior. And I'm still committed to being a burden-bearer and caring and just doing some simple things to encourage those walking through hard things.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29
It's so easy to try to be everyone else's burden-bearer to the point of exhaustion. We were never created to hold everyone else up or try to hold everything together, but I fall into that so often. As our community has experienced tragedy this week, we've talked about how we don't have to be the fixer or the one to take it all on, but there is so power in praying for, simply being with, listening, etc. Good word, Becky! One I need reminded of often.
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