Something Good is Coming!! by Becky Dietz

Ladies!

I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am!  I asked my friends on Facebook if they'd like to participate in blessing some pastor's wives.  The response has been OVERWHELMING!!  People began messaging, emailing, and texting me saying they wanted to be a part of this.  I just want you to know....YOU ARE LOVED!!  I'd say the 99.9% have spoken (from my last blog) and they want you to know just how loved you are.  I think the thing which surprised me most is pastor's wives wanting to bless other pastor's wives....which shouldn't be a surprise at all.

So...we're going to have some fun on our Facebook & blog pages!  There are going to be give-aways, quizzes, games and all kinds of things to win some prizes.  If you're not already a member of our Facebook page, I encourage you to go join.  You don't have to be a member of Facebook to be a part of our give-aways, but there are always some things on Facebook which I don't post on here.  It's going  to be fun in the days ahead.  And who doesn't need some F-U-N in their lives??

By the way, this is a good time to spread the word to other pastor's wives about our blog and Facebook page.  Just remember, I have to have their email address to add them to our private blog.

Stay tuned....

Becky

The .1% by Becky Dietz

.1%.  That's not much...or it doesn't seem to be until there's a problem being created by .1% of the people in your church.  But that's actually how it works most of the time.

I was recently teaching the story of Moses to the children in our church and I got to the part of the story where Aaron had been talked into crafting the golden calf and then Moses came down from the mountain and crushed the idol and put the gold in the water and made the people drink it.  After that, he told the people, "Whoever is on the Lord's side, come to me."  The Levite priests were the first to come to Moses' side.  But 3000 stayed on the other side.  3000 out of 3,000,000 (this is the number of Israelites the  scholars believe came out of Egypt).  That is .1%.

So .1% of the people probably led the people into a revolt when Moses didn't come down from the mountain right away.  It could have been an even smaller number who began the crusade, but .1% ended up following and marching in the war against God.

Those are two things to remember whenever there is havoc being created in your church.

1. It's probably only .1% of the people leading or joining the crusade.
2. It's a holy war against God, not you.

Remember there are 99.9% of the people who have come over to the Lord's side.  They may not be vocal, but they love God and want to follow Him.

I've never seen trouble being stirred up in churches like it is today.  Maybe it's always been there, but it's at least more vocal, upfront, and visible.  The .1% motto seems to be, "Don't get in my way!"

A word of advice from a pastor's wife who has been there:  Hold tightly to the 99.9%!!  I went to friends whose husbands who had an opposing view of my husband and said, "We will NOT allow this to affect our friendship!!"  It will be the elephant in the room until you address it.  I encourage you to address it.  There are so many people who love you but just don't want to get involved in any drama.  And honestly....aren't we all tired of the drama?  I encourage you to LOVE the people---even the .1%.  God wiped out the .1% in Moses' day--the priests were instructed to take their swords and kill them all.  But today, He tells us to love our enemies.  I won't lie...this way is harder.  We'd love to take the swords of our tongues and destroy them.  But God commands us to love them.  And if it's a holy war against God and His instruction is to love them...what right do we have to disobey?   As you express love to them, keep in mind the 99.9% really love God...and most likely, you.  Forgive and love the .1%.  And then leave the results to God.

Special Needs in a Pastor's Family by Ronnie Arrington

We all know the whole “fish bowl” idea of the Pastor’s family, we have lived it, we are swimming in it, and it seems as though at times all eyes are on you and your family. Add a child with any type of special needs into that mix – well, let’s just say the water gets just a little bit rougher at times – but it is possible to “just keep swimming  just keep swimming” .

My husband Joel and I have been in full time ministry for almost 20 years. We have four children ranging in age from 13 to 17 all with totally different personalities, ways in dealing with the ministry life and different needs.

Tyler is our 13 year old and our special needs child. Tyler’s story is simply one in which we have to constantly look at and say “WOW GOD!” I won’t go into his whole story here, but will share a brief overview. He was born healthy and full term as our #4 baby.  Having 3 children prior to him we were aware of the “norms” of newborns – they lose weight, then rapidly gain back to their birth weight within the first two or three weeks. So, at three weeks old when I took Tyler in for a well check and he wasn’t back to birth weight – I knew we had a problem.

Fast forward to 6 months old, many doctor’s visits have passed and we get a phone call from our pediatrician. He stated that he had consulted with specialists and they all agreed that it looked like Tyler was a false negative on the cystic fibrosis test – basically meaning that even though he tested as NOT having it, they believed he did. He had all the classic symptoms and they wanted him tested as soon as possible. We prayed, we got others praying, we cried, we prayed some more. By the time we got to his appointment at Children’s Hospital he had NO SIGNS of it – the Doctor looked at us and said, this can’t be the same baby I saw on paper…ONLY GOD! Believing that this was the end and Tyler would be just fine we happily went home none the wiser.

It was only the beginning of his story. Tyler continued to struggle with developmental delays, weight gain, ear infections, random high fevers, loss of muscle use at times and more until he was about 4 years old. At four, he was diagnosed with moderate to severe hearing loss. Most of the other issues slowly resolved with the exception of developmental delays that were primarily in the form of learning disabilities. To sum it up – Tyler is 13, is academically at about a first grade level, behaviorally he is at about an 8 to 10 year old, has some speech impediment, and has hearing loss. On the outside he looks like a normal teenager so to the average person he doesn’t seem like special needs…which brings me to how this plays into ministry.

Remember that fish bowl? Now in that little bowl is a fish that from appearances looks normal but if you are around him for any length of time, he doesn’t act just right, in fact he acts a little wild, he talks a whole lot, he is lacking in social skills, he must be rebelling when he cracks a joke instead of reading the passage of Scripture you just asked him to read in class, why doesn’t he sit still like the other teens…You get the idea. I can’t tell you how many times over the past several years we have had some person (sometimes well-meaning and sometimes not so much) pull us aside, decide they need to give us parenting advice or question our ability to work with children and youth when we can’t control our own child.

 So…how have we stayed in the bowl of ministry life with this little fish that isn’t quite what the traditional minister’s family is supposed to look like? Well, it certainly hasn’t always been easy and we definitely still have our hard moments – in fact just the other day I received an anonymous letter (which most of the time I don’t open but did this time – bad idea) criticizing my parenting, my ability to homeschool this little man, etc. Yet, we have learned a few things that have helped us hang with it…

1.  “Children are a gift from the Lord.” Psalm 127:3 The Lord knew what He was doing when he placed Tyler in our family. He also knew the life of ministry that He was calling us to. Tyler has been such a gift and joy. For all his struggles, he has a servant’s heart that surpasses many adults.
2.  As parents, our children are our number one ministry – even our special needs child! We have an obligation to him and his needs. This means that there are times that as a mom, I have had to just not go to something if it is too much for him, we have to go on all camps/trips with the church with him, and in some cases we have had to politely decline for him to go on certain things.
3. We have learned to be open and honest about Tyler, his needs, his personality, etc. in the interview process with potential churches. We let them know that he is a work in progress and to please not have any expectations.
4. You have to have a sense of humor – both with your child and others. Go into it realizing that no not everyone will “get it” and some will judge (don’t they anyway?) Be able to laugh and move on.
5. Give ourselves and him grace in our parenting, we don’t strive to make him meet other’s expectations or even those of our other children – we look for what is good for him in terms of behavior and responsibility.

If you too are swimming in the bowl with a little fish that has some special needs, let me encourage you – you can do it, you aren’t alone, and God can totally use that fish to reach so many more in your church and community. Due to having Tyler in our family, we have had so many open doors to reach families of special needs children. We can relate in a way that no one else can. We can reach out with arms of love that say “we get it.” In our ministry right now we have several children with special needs ranging from hearing loss, autism, learning disabilities and more – Tyler is the first to love on these guys, pat them on the back and be a friend! What a bridge. I would love to connect with you if you are swimming this path and we can encourage one another! 

Ronnie and her husband Joel have been in full-time youth and children's ministry for the past 19 years. They have four children Hannah, Malachi, Kestra, and Tyler. Along with a heart to serve alongside her husband in ministry, Ronnie has a specific heart for Moms of Preschool age children. She is currently the Director of the Parent's Day Out program at their church in Levelland, Tx. and loves the opportunity to reach families of preschoolers! Whenever possible, she enjoys going on both domestic and foreign mission trips and serving children and families elsewhere. She uses her Thirty One Gifts business as an avenue to contribute to mission efforts around the world and is excited to see God use this to further the Kingdom.

Easter & Pastor's Wives by Becky Dietz

It's so hard to pause and truly appreciate Easter when you're a pastor's wife.  Easter Sunday is probably the busiest Sunday of the year!  Finding Easter clothes on a budget, Easter baskets for the kids (if you do that kind of thing), getting everyone fed and dressed and to church, helping your pastor-husband with many logistics in the Easter service(s), getting a family photo while everyone is dressed in their Easter Sunday best, cooking an Easter meal and possibly having family or friends over, making sure children change out of their Easter clothes....it's enough to say, "Come quickly, Lord Jesus!  Finish this thing!" 

There may be no way out of the mayhem you'll face this Sunday.  So can I just suggest something?  Take these few days for yourself leading up to Easter to focus on Jesus and what he went through.  This is a good site to look at the timeline of the life of Jesus leading up to the cross and resurrection.  It's helped me as I've remembered what Jesus endured.  Have a grateful heart this week.  Thank God for giving up His Son.  Thank Jesus for his willingness to go to the cross for you.  Praise God that Jesus didn't stay dead!!  Be appreciative that you get to serve Him by loving Jesus' bride.

I encourage you to find an age-appropriate movie to watch with your family this week about the death and resurrection of Jesus.  Ask your kids afterwards if they have any questions.  If you have small children, plant some flowers together from seed (if there's not still snow on the ground where you live!) and talk about how it's a picture of Jesus.  The seed has to die--but new life will come.  

Do something for someone else this week.  Bake some cookies, invite a widow or widower to join you for a meal, babysit for a single mom....give and love.  Be reminded of why Jesus came and what His mission on earth was all about.  Use it as a teachable moment for your children.

Be intentional.  Think about the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.  Remember why He came.  And fulfill what He's called us to do...even in little ways.

HE IS RISEN!  HE IS RISEN, INDEED!

Transitions by Pam Holman

As my first time with you, I’d like to tell you a little about myself and about some transitions in my life – transitions that we all have and how we respond to them.

I married the love of my life, Randy, at the age of 18 while he was 20. We grew up in the same little country church and met when I was in 6^th grade and he was in the 8^th grade.  I’m still head of heels for him!  J   I worked while he finished college and we had our first child 3 years later, followed by 2 others.  More about being a mom and Gigi (grandmother), later!  I’ve been a stay at home mom, had my own business with Discovery Toys (LOVED this job!!), worked in a doctor’s office part-time, worked many years as assistant to the principal in the school district so I could have the same schedule as my kids, and finally after the kids left home, became the Preteen/Children’s Minister (part-time) at church.  When I am passionate about something, I put my whole being into it, so Randy said I went from a 40 hour full-time work week at school, to a 65 hour part-time and half the pay work week at church!  J   But God had given me a vision and passion to revamp our whole ministry to reach more children and truly make a difference in their lives.  But that is another story!  My life has been full of transitions and I have no doubt yours has been, too!

I have been a staff wife for 42 years and have experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly! I’ve thrown suitcases in the middle of the floor (mentally!) and told God to get us out of here!!  J That didn’t work, by the way!  I learned the hard way how prayer gossip works – Randy shared something with me and I shared it with a friend asking for prayer.  Next thing I knew, he heard about it from someone and knew the only person he shared his concern with was me.  Uh-Oh!!  Prayer gossip is rampant, I’ve learned.

Two years ago, God revealed that after 15 years, I had completed the vision He had given me and it was time for another transition.  He brought the person who would take this ministry to the next level and I trained her for a year before officially “retiring” last May.  The church gave Randy, my husband, sabbatical time and we used it to travel last summer and fall to some places on our bucket list.  We have a little hybrid travel trailer and after spending 5 solid weeks in it, we decided we still love each other and enjoy being together!  It was a precious time and we had so much fun!!

Another transition.  Upon returning from our time away, I visited an adult Sunday School class.  That very day, I knew sitting in a class was not for me!  Besides, it was WAY too different from the way we do Sunday School in the Children’s Ministry!  J  So I began greeting at the entrance to our Children’s building and hugging on parents, kids and substituting in the baby classes after the greeting time.   It was OK, but still didn’t seem what God had for me – so I continued to wait for His direction – that is always the hard part!!  One day the Preschool Coordinator asked if I would consider teaching a Young Adult Ladies Class for women who just haven’t connected with Sunday School. (They don’t feel comfortable in a couple’s class because their husband’s don’t attend, they are single again, they are an older single, etc…)  It was to be a class located in a room off the Preschool hallway, so it would be close to those who had young children – they would be near them.  And since we wanted to reach women in our community, who might never have attended Sunday School, we wanted a class location that would not be intimidating.  I prayed about it and tentatively said I would try, but that I was NOT a teacher!!  I’m a leader, encourager, hugger, organizer, and relational, but we would need to find a Bible Study approach with a DVD teacher!  J  We made up a class roll of women we knew who weren’t attending, I contacted all of them, created a fun environment in the room and we began.  The first Sunday we had 6, the next Sunday we had 12, and the 3^rd Sunday we had 18.  After 6 weeks, we have 21 on the class roll.  What really surprised us was that we had women from early 20’s to their 70’s!!  God took our willingness to try something unique and different, and has blessed our socks off!!  We are taking every single person’s gift in our class and using it to minister to others.  We have a class photographer, a breakfast club team, mission organizers, encouragement teams, social media team, Ladies Night Out team, and whatever else we need to make sure all of us are connected! 

Life is full of transitions and as I get to know you more, maybe the transitions we all go through will be made easier because of our friendships and sharing of our experiences! God has a plan for us and I can hardly wait for the journey with you!!

Pam Holman

Staff Wife – 42 years

Currently at FBC Lubbock – 34 years

Worked with Preteen / Children’s Ministry – 15 years

Currently teaching a ladies intergenerational Sunday School Bible Study class

Words that describe me: energetic, creative, positive, passionate, fun-loving, encouraging, compassionate

Book Give-Away

After reading the series of blogs by our Anonymous Pastor's Wife, another pastor's wife recommended this book.  This book is actually out of print, but we've found a copy.  We're having a give-away on our Facebook page--so head on over there!  All you have to do is leave a comment telling us your all-time favorite Christian book.  This is all part of our Pastor's Wives Appreciation Month!

Adultery in My Marriage by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife--Part 5. A Family Redeemed!

Becky and I have known each other for a long time, but the details that lead up to us meeting once a week after my husband left were nothing short of God’s tender care over my life.  He set it up and then Becky so graciously gave up one afternoon a week to pray and listen.  She listened without an ounce of judgment of who we had become, or what sins our pasts were riddled with.  We did not talk bad of my husband, nor did we pretend that we knew the answers to why this was happening.  We simply allowed God to move in power as she held my hand and walked beside me through each step of this hard process.  It was during one of those meetings where God changed everything.  A mountain was moved, and He left no doubt in any of our minds that He was at work.

Right before I was about to meet with Becky, my husband had called to see if we could discuss a few things.  I told him I was headed to town and I would meet him but that I would not talk over the phone.  He was mad and frustrated and I was not going to let our emotions rule this conversation.  As we talked, something strange happened.  We had a decently peaceful discussion and even laughed a little.  His anger grew weaker and I felt more comfortable with him than I had in a long time.  It was as though he could actually see me, the real me.

Strangely enough, as we were talking, she kept calling him.  Over and over her unwanted phone calls rang through the thick air of the car.  I knew he was leaving to meet her and as soon as I got in my car to meet Becky, I called her and asked her to pray.  We prayed the roof off of the car that afternoon.  We prayed that God would turn my husband’s heart away from her and that he would see the truth.  We prayed that he would be disgusted by her and of his sin.  We prayed that satan would no longer have his way with my marriage.  The power of God’s Spirit was so present and I could feel His love all around me.  We had dinner together and as I was driving back to my parent’s house that night, my phone rang.

I knew.  I knew that God had heard our prayers and performed a miracle.  I had asked God for so long to make us new that when He did, I believed it.  The next weekend, our children and I moved into the apartment where my husband had been living.  My parents thought it was a bad idea and understandably, had horrible feelings towards my husband.  They had carried so much of our burden with us and for us, and had seen the ugliest part of what an affair can do to the hearts of those left behind.  But, I had a choice.  I had to believe that God was going to do this.  I had no faith or trust left for my husband at this point, but I believed in God.  I was fighting to keep my family together and I had confidence that God would work this out for our good.  It was not easy.  I was walking blindly, with so many questions and hurts and fears, but I was walking all the same.  Tiny steps towards what I hoped for.

A dear friend of mine was once told that fighting for her marriage with a cheating husband was the weak choice to make.  I assured her that one of the hardest, strongest choices you can ever make is to stay.  Choosing to stay will remain one of my hardest battles.  Those first two years were a constant up and down struggle for what I knew was true and what history had burned into my memory.  There were reminders all over and the biggest of all was the one I had fought for.  I unintentionally often drove by a hotel where I knew he had been with her.  We had a couch that he had bought for his new home apart from me.  I found an old cell phone with text messages of adoration for someone else.  I did not have to look far for the bricks that could have built a new wall of resentment between us.  They were all over.  But, little by little the remainders of what once was began to diminish.  We dumped the couch.  He threw the cell phone so hard into a dumpster and we watched it bust into hundreds of pieces.  The laptop where this hidden relationship had begun became dust particles on our porch.

I have had many hurts, but thankfully I did not have a lot of hate.  I prayed for God to keep my heart soft from day one, and He did.  However, there was one specific moment where I remember a very strong emotion welling up from the pit of my soul.  The woman my husband had been with was devastated that their plan to be together did not work out.  My husband was working in a public place that she knew of, and she began showing up during his breaks.  He was very honest with me about this and had told her that it was over and that she needed to stay away.  She did not stay away.  And so I found her.  I knew I would not be able to find an email address, so I found her on social media and wrote her a private message.  I guess it was a respectful warning of sorts.  She was still living in secret and I let her know that if she did not stay away, I would bring it into the light.  We were making progress, and I was not going to allow her to disrespect my children and I any longer.  We never heard of her again.

You see, choosing to stay means that in your weakness and weariness, your sword is out and you are ready to fight.  Not with yelling, accusing, harsh words or rubbing the wrongs of others in their faces, but in the way you love when it is not deserved or you forgive daily.  It is hard and gruesome work for everyone involved.  It is by no means a glorious, magical life.  It took in depth counseling, non-stop patience, dying to self, loving beyond anything our emotions tried to lie to us about, unending forgiveness, wise counsel from close friends and lots and lots of prayer.  And God.  God took what was a complete disaster and made it beautifully new.  We look back on those 7 years and cannot believe that was us.  Our marriage is not perfect, but we have now been married 8 years beyond that horrible experience.  We are in the much better half.  Through these 8 years God has restored us to each other and to Him.  He daily reminds me of what He did all those years ago, and I am in awe of His love and passion for us.  He is for marriage.  He is for us.  Choosing to stay is the best decision I have ever made.

*This is a very long, yet condensed version of our amazing testimony of God’s goodness in our marriage.  Even though this is written anonymously for the sake of our young children, my husband and I are more than happy to visit with anyone facing the devastation of an affair.  We understand how hard it is to reach out while in ministry.  We are an open book and will answer any questions you have.  More than anything know that you are not alone!  Please contact Becky and she can get us together.*

Written by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife