Adultery in My Marriage by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife--Part 5. A Family Redeemed!

Becky and I have known each other for a long time, but the details that lead up to us meeting once a week after my husband left were nothing short of God’s tender care over my life.  He set it up and then Becky so graciously gave up one afternoon a week to pray and listen.  She listened without an ounce of judgment of who we had become, or what sins our pasts were riddled with.  We did not talk bad of my husband, nor did we pretend that we knew the answers to why this was happening.  We simply allowed God to move in power as she held my hand and walked beside me through each step of this hard process.  It was during one of those meetings where God changed everything.  A mountain was moved, and He left no doubt in any of our minds that He was at work.

Right before I was about to meet with Becky, my husband had called to see if we could discuss a few things.  I told him I was headed to town and I would meet him but that I would not talk over the phone.  He was mad and frustrated and I was not going to let our emotions rule this conversation.  As we talked, something strange happened.  We had a decently peaceful discussion and even laughed a little.  His anger grew weaker and I felt more comfortable with him than I had in a long time.  It was as though he could actually see me, the real me.

Strangely enough, as we were talking, she kept calling him.  Over and over her unwanted phone calls rang through the thick air of the car.  I knew he was leaving to meet her and as soon as I got in my car to meet Becky, I called her and asked her to pray.  We prayed the roof off of the car that afternoon.  We prayed that God would turn my husband’s heart away from her and that he would see the truth.  We prayed that he would be disgusted by her and of his sin.  We prayed that satan would no longer have his way with my marriage.  The power of God’s Spirit was so present and I could feel His love all around me.  We had dinner together and as I was driving back to my parent’s house that night, my phone rang.

I knew.  I knew that God had heard our prayers and performed a miracle.  I had asked God for so long to make us new that when He did, I believed it.  The next weekend, our children and I moved into the apartment where my husband had been living.  My parents thought it was a bad idea and understandably, had horrible feelings towards my husband.  They had carried so much of our burden with us and for us, and had seen the ugliest part of what an affair can do to the hearts of those left behind.  But, I had a choice.  I had to believe that God was going to do this.  I had no faith or trust left for my husband at this point, but I believed in God.  I was fighting to keep my family together and I had confidence that God would work this out for our good.  It was not easy.  I was walking blindly, with so many questions and hurts and fears, but I was walking all the same.  Tiny steps towards what I hoped for.

A dear friend of mine was once told that fighting for her marriage with a cheating husband was the weak choice to make.  I assured her that one of the hardest, strongest choices you can ever make is to stay.  Choosing to stay will remain one of my hardest battles.  Those first two years were a constant up and down struggle for what I knew was true and what history had burned into my memory.  There were reminders all over and the biggest of all was the one I had fought for.  I unintentionally often drove by a hotel where I knew he had been with her.  We had a couch that he had bought for his new home apart from me.  I found an old cell phone with text messages of adoration for someone else.  I did not have to look far for the bricks that could have built a new wall of resentment between us.  They were all over.  But, little by little the remainders of what once was began to diminish.  We dumped the couch.  He threw the cell phone so hard into a dumpster and we watched it bust into hundreds of pieces.  The laptop where this hidden relationship had begun became dust particles on our porch.

I have had many hurts, but thankfully I did not have a lot of hate.  I prayed for God to keep my heart soft from day one, and He did.  However, there was one specific moment where I remember a very strong emotion welling up from the pit of my soul.  The woman my husband had been with was devastated that their plan to be together did not work out.  My husband was working in a public place that she knew of, and she began showing up during his breaks.  He was very honest with me about this and had told her that it was over and that she needed to stay away.  She did not stay away.  And so I found her.  I knew I would not be able to find an email address, so I found her on social media and wrote her a private message.  I guess it was a respectful warning of sorts.  She was still living in secret and I let her know that if she did not stay away, I would bring it into the light.  We were making progress, and I was not going to allow her to disrespect my children and I any longer.  We never heard of her again.

You see, choosing to stay means that in your weakness and weariness, your sword is out and you are ready to fight.  Not with yelling, accusing, harsh words or rubbing the wrongs of others in their faces, but in the way you love when it is not deserved or you forgive daily.  It is hard and gruesome work for everyone involved.  It is by no means a glorious, magical life.  It took in depth counseling, non-stop patience, dying to self, loving beyond anything our emotions tried to lie to us about, unending forgiveness, wise counsel from close friends and lots and lots of prayer.  And God.  God took what was a complete disaster and made it beautifully new.  We look back on those 7 years and cannot believe that was us.  Our marriage is not perfect, but we have now been married 8 years beyond that horrible experience.  We are in the much better half.  Through these 8 years God has restored us to each other and to Him.  He daily reminds me of what He did all those years ago, and I am in awe of His love and passion for us.  He is for marriage.  He is for us.  Choosing to stay is the best decision I have ever made.

*This is a very long, yet condensed version of our amazing testimony of God’s goodness in our marriage.  Even though this is written anonymously for the sake of our young children, my husband and I are more than happy to visit with anyone facing the devastation of an affair.  We understand how hard it is to reach out while in ministry.  We are an open book and will answer any questions you have.  More than anything know that you are not alone!  Please contact Becky and she can get us together.*

Written by An Anonymous Pastor's Wife