Prayer of Thanks from a Pastor's Wife by Becky Dietz

Father,
Thank you for a husband who loves and serves you.  Thank you for entrusting the Bride of Christ into our care.  We're so grateful for how much you love us, care for us, minister to us, and meet our needs.  Thank you for going before us, coming behind us and keeping your hand of blessing on us.  We are blessed beyond anything we could ever deserve.  Thank you, too, for the hard things...things which have matured us, developed patience in us and given us wisdom.  Thank you for not leaving us alone.  We need you and the power of your Holy Spirit more than ever.  And God...those days and nights when we may feel alone, thank you that you've promised to never leave us nor forsake us.  You're right there beside us.  Thank you for that.
Father, for every pastor's wife reading this, I pray you will do more than we can all ask or imagine in our lives and in our ministry.  Please bless our marriages--grow them and make them more intimate than we thought possible.  Bless our children and grandchildren.  Pour into their lives and guide them into Truth.  Keep their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Prepare us, the Bride of Christ, for Jesus.  Purify us. Anoint us.  Bless us.  Make us ready for His soon return!
God, please bless this holiday season.  Flavor it with grace, humor, hope, passion, rest, and peace.  Sprinkle it with FUN!  And coat it all with love.  May we love passionately, unconditionally and just like Jesus loves.
Thank you for this place in life.  Thank you that you know the way.  Please level the mountains in front of us, in Jesus' name.  We trust you, God.  We love you.  Let us hear you sing over us.  Thank you...for you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.

First Lady

There's a new attitude which concerns me among pastors and their wives.  It's the attitude of "celebrity status."  I've seen it up-close and personal.  I watched as a pastor and his wife assumed celebrity status in their church in a small town.  It happens when a pastor and his wife demand to be served...rather than serving others themselves. 

I know in some circles a pastor's wife is called the First Lady.  I'm sure it started off as a term to honor that pastor's wife, but it just goes against the grain of what I believe the Bible teaches.  As pastor's wives, we are not First Ladies to be honored and given an elevated position.  We are the ones who come alongside the Church and get our hands dirty as we serve others.  It's stepping in and doing the crafts for VBS.  It's washing dishes at a funeral meal.  It's teaching, singing, helping!  It's just hard imagining a "First Lady" doing any of these things.

I think it's up to us as staff wives to set the tone for what God has called us all to do.  Please, please be careful of assuming the attitude of a First Lady and the entitlements which come along with that name.  Come alongside the members of your church and help.  Put on your work clothes and paint a wall with them.  Change a diaper.  Decorate a bulletin board.  Serve God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.  Be the example for serving.

Parenting, Moves & Ministry by Ronnie Arrington

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding and yet most challenging tasks you can embark on. Regardless of your circumstances, your career, your finances, etc – it’s a challenge to say the least. When you throw into the mix being a full-time ministry family and having children with special needs – then you have just upped the challenge to a new level!
Joel and I have been in full-time ministry for the better part of the last 19 years. Our four children have known little else than ministry life. They have known the ultimate highs and the crashing lows. They have experienced the thrill of success and acceptance and they have seen the burden of failure and rejection. We certainly haven’t done it “right” from day one and we are most certainly still learning and growing in this journey of parenting while in ministry but we have learned a few things along the way!
To give you a brief background – we have four kids who now range in age from 13 to 17. Our oldest Hannah is an extreme, and I do mean extreme, introvert. I will share more about her later on in this post and how we have had to help her adjust to a very extroverted family life. Malachi is our second oldest and perhaps the most laid back of the crew but not without challenges. Kestra comes next in line and has a bubbly outgoing personality which is great for moving and change but she also struggles with a learning disability which has brought its own set of challenges in the life of ministry. Tyler is our youngest and God had to have had a grin on His face when he placed him in our mix! Tyler has moderate to severe hearing loss as well as a significant learning disability. Combine that with a personality that is all boy with a servant heart and you have your hands full!
Throughout our years in ministry, we have done everything from non-denominational para-church ministry to bi-vocational to full-time. We have lived in four different states and served in about 9 different ministries – do the math and you come up with a lot of moves, a lot of new schools, and a lot of change on our four children. In all of this we have learned some key points that I want to share with you my minister wife friends.
Flexibility! This is the absolute number one thing that we have learned in so many things regarding our kids and ministry. I mentioned earlier that Hannah was an extreme introvert. Of all our children, moving and change is the most difficult for her. She struggles to make friends and although not a difficult person to be around, she is just very closed and it is hard to really get to know her and understand her. While at our church in Borger, Tx, Hannah hit the lowest point we have ever seen. We moved the summer before her freshman year and in our minds we thought this was perfect timing – all freshmen are new, low man on the totem pole, this will be great! What we didn't take into account was that the culture shock of coming from a very laid back Colorado town where she had been for four years with a small class size to a West Texas town where everyone knew everyone and their family, the school was approximately 3 times larger, and the demographics were largely Hispanic. Hannah was literally thrown to the fire. We didn't truly know the impact until Christmas break of that first year – had we been more alert, the signs were there, we just didn't notice. She began to withdraw even further, was moody, depressed and went from a girl who loved school to a girl who was sick to her stomach at the thought of school. It culminated over Christmas break when she had nightmares of going back to school. At this point we made a prompt and drastic decision – we pulled her out and homeschooled her beginning immediately after break. We literally drove to Mardels one day, bought what curriculum we could and began! We knew that we had to be flexible in this for Hannah’s sake. It was rocky and there were definite bumps in the road, but it was the best for her. With each of our kids we have taken it year by year when it comes to schooling – currently our three oldest are in public school here in Levelland (yes, Hannah has healed and is thriving) and I am homeschooling Tyler our youngest. We have learned that flexibility is paramount in being in ministry and raising kids.
Listen to your kids! This is a huge lesson we have had to learn through the years. It has amazed us at how intuitive our kids are and the things that they see and pick up on that perhaps we miss. Malachi in particular is very good at reading people and seeing things that we miss. We have learned to really listen and read between the lines when our kids share things with us regarding church, school, church members, etc.
Be prayerfully open-minded. Kestra is the only one of our children that has not been homeschooled at any point. Let me emphasize – I never thought I would be a homeschool parent! I never wanted to be a homeschool parent and I certainly never wanted to homeschool a child with special needs! However, due to circumstances in the schools, challenges my kids faced, and their best interest – we knew that we had to put them as our primary ministry and do what they needed. In particular, I had to be open to adjusting my career goals and ministry goals to what was needed for my kids. Much prayer and thought went into each decision and we have seen God bless, heal and restore so much that was damaged in our children by simply being open to something new!
When it comes to helping kids adjust to moves in ministry these three things are essential. Be open with your kids; listen to them and their concerns. Be flexible and willing to change and adjust in whatever area you may need to. Be open-minded and prayerful to what the Lord is calling you to do in regards to your children; I never would have dreamed that I would homeschool much less that I would have so much fun doing it!


Ronnie and her husband Joel have been in full-time youth and children's ministry for the past 19 years. They have four children Hannah, Malachi, Kestra, and Tyler. Along with a heart to serve alongside her husband in ministry, Ronnie has a specific heart for Moms of Preschool age children. She is currently the Director of the Parent's Day Out program at their church in Levelland, Tx. and loves the opportunity to reach families of preschoolers! Whenever possible, she enjoys going on both domestic and foreign mission trips and serving children and families elsewhere. She uses her Thirty One Gifts business as an avenue to contribute to mission efforts around the world and is excited to see God use this to further the Kingdom.

Pastors & Sin by Lindsey Dietz

I asked Lindsey to write a new blog and she said she already had this written.  She called it "heart vomit."  This is the second article in response to a pastor's adultery who lives in our area.  And while you may not live in our area, it's an issue among pastors and their families...and one we need to deal with.
Becky 

This is written in light of recent events surrounding the news-breaking story of a pastor who was caught in the act and arrested for being with a prostitute. My immediate response for him was a broken heart for him and his family. I surprised even myself by not jumping straight to a place of judgment. I put myself in his shoes and realized that what was happening to him, as well as hundreds of ministers before him, was absolutely unfair. These are my thoughts on the situation…


C (pastor) & J (pastor's wife) came into my life as my youth pastors when I was 16. (I’ll be honest—it was a little weird at first, seeing as how C is only two years older than I am; but he was quickly proved to be wiser than his age and was the right guy for the job.) C and J became pillars in my life, during a time that every teenager is trying to figure out who they are and what they believe. C wasn’t afraid to have fun with his youth kids, to stay later than necessary, to have us in his home, or to teach what the Bible says about the tough issues most teens struggle with in one form or another.

I admired and looked up to C and J. I taught their son in a pre-K Sunday school class. I went to J for advice about boyfriends and fashion. She was like the big sister I never had. C and J believed in me enough to hire me as their summer intern when I graduated high school. They poured into my friends and me with selfless love and patience.
Then I started college and got married and had a family and lost touch with C and J, but I never, ever lost my love or respect for them. And I still haven’t.

My reason for writing this is not to tell about how they impacted me, although that goes without saying. My point is not to defend C—because he messed up big time. My purpose is not to tell J that I love her and her family and my support is given freely.

My purpose in this is to ask the world a question: why are pastors (and their wives) held to a higher standard than everyone else?

You see, because of the marriage C and J lived in front of my peers and me all those long years ago, I had a deep-seated desire to marry a pastor and be in ministry with him. And I did just that. In living the life of a full-time pastor’s wife, my eyes were opened to a truth that no one tells you about going into ministry: the truth that people are always watching you and judging your life by a much higher standard that the “rest”.

In any other line of work, if a man is caught with a prostitute, he won’t likely have to resign from his job or worry about being fired. Some of his working buddies may even pat him on the back with an “Atta boy!” as they secretly wish they were in his shoes.

But a pastor?

Oh boy. You can kiss your ministry, your church, your title, your respect, and maybe even your marriage goodbye. You are judged harshly, with people throwing stones right and left, accusing you of being hypocritical or fake. You are the rubric by which the non-believing community can nod their heads and affirm that this is why they don’t believe in God or the Bible.

Thank God my husband and I have never been involved in a situation like this. Yet.

I pray we never are, that our children never have to watch us walk through hell and damnation and a scrutinizing, merciless society who can’t forgive or forget.

But my husband and my mother and my friends and you and I are capable of ANYTHING. Under the right circumstances, we can literally do ANYTHING. There is no limit to where depression and desperation can lead you in your decision-making. I’ve been depressed and desperate—and I made some awful choices during that time of my life.

Just because they weren’t illegal or broadcast on the news doesn’t mean they weren’t terrible. It just means I got to deal with my issues in private and with a little bit of dignity.

Pastors aren’t allowed to struggle with the “big sin issues”: addiction, pornography, adultery, etc. They’re the ones who are supposed to be helping their congregations with these problems, right?

So imagine how difficult we (yes, I said we, as in THE CHURCH) have made it for our pastors to ask for help if and when these sin issues do arise in their lives. And if we, the congregations they are shepherding, have made it next to impossible for them to admit a problem and seek counseling or help, the world has made it that much harder.

Politicians and pastors are the only two lines of work I can think of whose “issues” make the evening news.

They’re sinful people too. Why is their sin so stinkin’ special??

I don’t really have a major point to make. It breaks my heart that C and J and their boys are going through this. I hate that C lost this battle. I hate that J has lost trust in her husband. I hate that their boys may have lost some respect for their father.

But more than all that, I hate that bankers and restaurant managers and stock brokers and garbage truck drivers are caught and arrested for prostitution every, single day and they get to bail out of jail and either go back into that life or seek out help privately, while pastors’ faces are broadcast all over the news and in the newspapers and people get to chime in with their opinions on Facebook and everywhere else, like it actually matters.

I can guarantee you that no one would have given C a second thought if he hadn’t been a pastor.

It’s an open-ended question: WHY are things like this?

*Lindsey Dietz is a full-time mom and homeschool teacher to her two beautiful children. 

Her husband, David, recently took a position as Network Administrator at Grace Community Church & School in Tyler, TX.  Lindsey is a gifted writer and former editor of CFN Magazine, The Voice.  She loves to cook with organic foods, has studied nutrition, and has embraced natural living.  She hopes to own a farm some day and grow her own food...and maybe even write about it.

An Honest Response to Sin in the Church by Matt Dietz

A pastor in the Amarillo area was arrested this week because of sin--a young pastor we know and love.  The media is having a field day with it and this was my son's response in support of his friend on Facebook.  

Lets just be real...

The news isn't going to drop a story that has created a whirlwind of clamor. The church cringes with every comment made by an unbelieving cheer section, happy with the failures of the lie that is the church. But how SHOULD we handle it?

Like this...

My name is Matt. I'm the chiefest of all sinners. In my short lifetime, I have managed to make more regrettable mistakes than I really want you to know about, but I'm going to tell you anyway. I'll tell you not because I want to glorify the past or even the rise from the past. I want to glorify the one who was able to take my shit, and make it clean.

You see, I was into prostitution, and I was a prostitute of sorts myself. I was an adulterous husband who chose to think and act selfishly. It all started with a porn (prostitution) addiction, a careless desire for my drug of choice. It consumed every good thing in my life, chewed it up and spit it out; but it didn't end there. I've heard it said that sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay and cost you more than you want to pay. I'm living proof of this most hurtful reality.

I know what it feels like to carry shame with your head held low. I know what it feels like to do the unthinkable and unforgivable to the one you love most. I know what it feels like to lose everything you care most about. I know what it feels like to imagine you'll never be worth anything to anyone ever again. I know what it feels like to think you've destroyed the futures of your children. I know what it feels like to carry this unimaginable burden. I know what it feels like to lie, steal, cheat and become the worst of failures; but God...

I now know what it feels like to have this burden of shame lifted. I know what it feels like to have hope again. I know what it feels like to be free. I know what it feels like when your kids finally say "I love You," when you never thought it possible. Most of all, I know what it feels like to have Jesus say, "I paid for that, because I love you!"

Is there something in your life that has taken you further, kept you longer, and cost you more than you expected?  If so, I have the answer. His name is Jesus, and He loves you more than you could ever imagine. His real church will love, accept and restore you to better than you ever thought possible; and out of the ashes you will give hope to others who are hurting and dying without hope.

So if you feel the need to share a story that will shock the masses, share this one...

Matt Dietz is a builder in the Amarillo area.  He's also a singer and song writer, having just produced the album, Galaxy.  He leads worship for the youth in his church--where his two daughters also attend.

Bullies in the Church by Becky Dietz

Have you encountered bullies in your church?  I have.  Several of them, in fact.  These are the people who love power, control, and being known.  They may not even be believers...but then again, they may.  They may be believers who've never recognized or dealt with these strongholds in their lives.  They can range from the well-intentioned, but overbearing, people who want to make sure money is spent wisely (their way)...to the ungodly, outright control freaks, who are hiding everything they're doing so it all works to their advantage...to the person who makes it their solemn, wicked duty to make your life miserable until they can make you leave their church. They've even been known to follow a minister to his next church to make sure he fails there, too.  Or it could be your pastor.

Here's the problem I've had with spiritual bullies.  I couldn't sort out in my mind how to treat them.  I'd recognize their bullying for what it was, but then I'd reason that they were believers and brothers or sisters in Christ.  They'd push their weight around to make sure they got their way, but I'd naively contend they had the good of the church as the bottom line.  It was just hard to wrap my mind around a Christian...in a church...being a bully.

Here's the truth.  A spiritual bully is no different than a bully on the playground.  They're trying to dominate the system.  They want control of everyone so they can have their own way.  They intimidate.  They probably use scripture to prove their point which can make it even more confusing to the church.  They want to control...and usually it's in the area of finances.  But it may be in any area of leadership.  I've seen bullies in the church kitchen and nursery!  They don't believe that God is in control.  They may give lip service to that notion, but they don't really believe it.  And they will remain in control as long as the church will let them.  Most of them have had control for a very long time because no one is willing to stand up to them.  The godly people don't want to "hurt the church" by confronting a bully.

Here's more truth.  It's hurting the church to allow a spiritual bully to continue his bullying ways.  The bully in the church kitchen?  She was in control when my husband was a youth minister.  We fed about 300 high school students once a week during school lunch at our church.  Andy would continually ask her to cook more food because we would run out of food and the kids at the end of the line wouldn't have time to go somewhere else to eat.  His budget provided for the food and he was in control of his budget.  She refused.  She thought the kids were wasting the food and she didn't want food left over.  It became a major contention because Andy confronted her each week.  To add insult to injury, she began coming to where I was serving in the food line and loudly whisper to me that my husband was wasteful, a bad manager of things, and allowed the kids too much freedom.  At first, I ignored her because I didn't know how to handle it.  (Bullies rely on you freezing and not knowing how to respond.  Their goal is to intimidate you into submission.)  But after two or three weeks of the whispering, something rose up in me!  After everyone left one day, I confronted her.  I told her to never come to me again with a word against my husband and if she had a problem with him...according to Matthew 18,  she was supposed to go to him!!  She began yelling at me and I stood my ground.  I answered everything she threw at me (I'm sure my voice rose) and refused to be intimidated by her.

Here's what I've experienced.  Every time Andy or I have confronted a spiritual bully, they are shaken.  They've had control for so long and have never expected to be uprooted from being "King of the Hill," that they don't know how to respond.  We've had confrontations with several key leaders in our churches.  It's hard to do!!  It takes lots of prayer, but in our cases, it's also just taken getting a belly-full of the bullying and really caring about the rest of the church.  After confrontations, we've had people leave the church or quietly step down from positions and eventually change their hearts.  And the kitchen lady?  She became one of my sweetest friends and one of Andy's biggest supporters after her heart changed.  The key is to love the bully enough to confront them.  Their behavior is hurting them, their relationships, and the church.  You have to want to do it for their good and the good of the church.  I can't promise confronting a bully always ends well.  You may still be thrown out of their church.  But I believe you'll be able to sleep well at night knowing you did what was right.

May I just recommend a couple of books for you to read?

An excellent, excellent book!

and...

Baptist to Anglican by Amy Wright

We were serving in a Baptist church in the panhandle of Texas with 2 little boys at home.  My husband, Jay, was the worship leader at the church and had discovered the Book of Common Prayer (BCP) and the liturgical church calendar.  Both things were new and foreign to our little Baptist/Bible Church upbringing.  Jay fell in love with the BCP and would take it to his office at church and read it in secret with his door shut.  If the other pastors knew what he was doing, they would not be very understanding.  He began to try and incorporate things like Advent into our Sunday services, but he was met with quite a bit of resistance.  The senior and associate pastors began to meet and try to figure out what to do with this guy who had obviously gone off his rocker.  To find encouragement and support, he would sneak over to the Methodist church in town and share in confidence what he was learning with the pastor of that church.  Sometimes he would even sit down and talk with the Episcopal priest in town!  

After some time, Jay came to me and asked if he could start taking some classes  at a school in Jacksonville, FL.  The school happened to meet in an Episcopal church, and the church was going through a huge change where a group was disassociating from the Episcopal church and joining the Anglican church.  The new church was looking for a worship leader and Jay was very interested.  He gave me a call (while he was in Florida for classes) and asked what I thought about him applying for the job.  I kind of scoffed and said, “Sure.  But why would they hire a Baptist?”  You see, Baptists don’t really hire people from other denominations, so I figured it was that way in every other denomination.  I was wrong.  We got a phone call soon after and the interview process began.  I went along with it, but on the inside I was praying desperately for a way out.  I thought that opportunity came when we received a phone call saying that something happened in the church, and they would have to hold off on the hiring process.  I was relieved!  I thought that God had heard my pitiful cries and saved me from leaving my familiar world.

A few months later, Jay told me that if that church called us back, he would really like to reconsider.  We had already told them that we were no longer interested, so I very safely told Jay that, of course, if they called again, I would support that decision.  Again, I was wrong.  I was reading our email one evening (we shared an account at the time) and saw an email from the head of the search team.  I started shaking and opened up the letter to find that they were asking Jay to reconsider.  I started crying so hard.  Jay was worried and started asking me what was wrong.  I’m pretty sure that he thought someone had died.  I told him what the email said and he started laughing and told me that we didn’t have to move.  Through my tears I cried, “Yes we do!  This is just the way that God does things with me!!!!”  Pitiful.

Before I knew it, we were moving to a suburb of Jacksonville, FL.  I had no idea what to expect of an Anglican church.  To be honest, I thought it was most likely dead, boring, and reeking of incense.  Much to my surprise, I encountered life, and lots of it!  People loved God so deeply.  I found so much freedom in that church.  People didn’t carry their Bibles to church, and that was okay!  Not everyone knew every answer to every spiritual question asked, and that was okay!  Most people didn’t know who I was.  Most people didn’t even know the senior pastor’s wife!  If I wanted to sign up for VBS, it was my choice!!!  If I didn’t help in the nursery, no one said “Boo!”  There were absolutely no expectations of me. 

But aside from all of the freedoms I found in the simple things, the greatest thing was experiencing God in a whole new way.  I think that I cried in every service for a few weeks.  When the priests would process in with the cross, I felt God’s power.  When I would kneel at the rail to receive communion, I began to find healing in Jesus.  And when everyone worshiped with one voice, the Holy Spirit became more and more alive to me.  

All of this didn’t happen because I went from being a Baptist to an Anglican.  I think it happened because God allowed me to get away from what I knew (and knew like the back of my hand).  He took me out of my comfort zone and placed me right where I needed to be.  

The day I finally told Jay that I was fine with being in an Anglican church, I told him to at least promise me that he wouldn’t become a priest.  He laughed and said that he had no desire, but that he couldn’t promise.  Good thing he was wise enough to never say never.  I’m now married to an Anglican priest and wouldn’t have it any other way! 

*Amy Wright has been married to Jay for 12 years.  They've been in full time ministry since 2004.  Jay started off serving as a music/worship pastor in Dalhart, Tx.  They moved to Fleming Island, Fl to work at New Grace Church in 2008.  Jay is now serving as worship leader/assistant priest at All Saints Church Dallas.  They are looking forward to planting a church in east Dallas in the fall of 2015.  They have 4 kids, Isaac (11 years), Josiah (9 years), Olivia (7 years), and Hadassah (3 years).