A Safe Place

I want to remind you that this blog is a safe place.  Pastor's wives have such few places where they can share anything they want and KNOW it won't be shared with anyone else.  That's why I made this a private blog!  I want you to feel confident knowing you can respond to any article knowing your heart will be guarded here.  That's why this blog is for pastor's wives or staff wives alone.  We need a safe place to share with one another---a place where we know no one will take what is said here outside of this group--even what is shared in a blog.

I hope you feel comfortable in that.  I hope you know I will guard your heart.  My own heart is burdened for pastor's wives--knowing some of them are drowning in hopelessness or feeling very alone.

YOU, my friend, are on my heart a lot.  As I "get to know" some of you through Facebook (as you answer questions to win prizes),  I just wish I could invite you over for a cup of coffee for a chance to talk one-on-one.  I want you to know I deeply care about what you are walking through.  It's not enough for us to put on our happy face and go to church and sit on the front pew...I want you to know someone cares about what is going on in your hearts and minds.

I may not have all the answers, but I do know how to listen, pray, and share what God has taught me.  Here's my private email address in case you ever need someone to talk to and you need an even safer, more private place to talk.  dietzbecky@hotmail.com  
Don't hesitate to email me.  I'm here to help.

I'm praying for you tonight.
Becky

The Invisible Woman

Build well, my friends...even when no one sees.

Police Officer Blesses Pastor's Wives

Kristi is a police officer in Texas who wanted to bless some pastor's wives, so she created and gave away a coffee mug and cup who went to Karen Metzger and Jennifer Davis, respectively.  When Kristi's dad was only about 45-years-old, he had a massive heart attack and Kristi kept him alive until police officers arrived and saved his life.  Because of that one act, Kristi chose to go into law enforcement and puts her life on the line every day in a large Texas city.  Kristi has a big heart and I think that's pretty obvious.  I just wanted you to know someone who honors you.

Cup Give-Away!

These two cups were created by Kristi who wanted some pastor's wives to know that they are LOVED!!  Comment below or go to our Facebook page and tell us your favorite summer drink to be eligible to win.  Do it by Sunday---that's our announcement day!

Depression in the Ministry by Becky Dietz

We shouldn't be depressed in the ministry, should we?  I mean...we have the Living God residing in us.  The Living God who has all the answers!  And yet we hear of more and more pastors leaving the ministry and many of them naming depression as the root cause.  Today, I heard of a wonderful pastor who took his own life because of depression and I appreciate the transparency of his family to address the issue he was facing head-on.  Phil Lineberger talks about the whole issue he faced in a friend's eulogy (before taking his own life) better than I can.  I hope you'll take the time to read it here.

Why would a pastor become depressed?  I can think of one word.  Conflict.  The conflict of leadership and opposing vision.  The conflict of follow-ship...is my church following me, my teaching, my vision?  Are we all following God?  The conflict of counseling others and trying to help them get to a spiritually healthy place.  The conflict of finances, demands, staff goals and relationships, hearing God, dispersion of time vs. needs, sermons and leadership being critiqued.  The conflict of feeling like you should have all the answers and you don't and feeling lost...and afraid to get help.  Afraid it's going to hurt the cause of Christ.  These are just to name a few.

Of course, there's also the possibility of chemical imbalance, physical illness, or medications which lead to depression.  And the best place to start when you're depressed is with your physician.  These causes need to be ruled out before you start seeking answers elsewhere.

How can we help as wives?  Be aware.  If you see signs of depression in your husband, talk about it with him.  I can't encourage you enough to both have friends outside of your church whom you can talk to openly.  Every minister needs a minister...someone who can encourage you, give you perspective, pray with you and for you.  My "coach" told me this week that people should be drinking from our saucer, not our cup.  We should be in a place of purpose and destiny which fills us up to full and overflowing.  When we overflow, people can drink from our saucer.  If they're drinking from our cup, we'll become empty.  And when we become empty, we become depressed.  So look for the signs of emptiness and depression in your husband--and in yourself.  Don't be afraid to ask for help. You're not going to hurt the name of Christ by getting help.  He's bigger than that.

We don't have to have all the answers and sometimes, in the ministry, we feel like we should.  We shoulder and carry burdens not intended for us.  I've learned some of the best lessons from pastors and their wives who were willing to be totally transparent and honest with their "weaknesses"--and then watching them deal with those areas in truth, honesty, openness, and love.

Father, please help us.  We're living in difficult days--hard to deal with and hard to bear.  Undergird Your ministers with Your everlasting arms.  Breathe new life into them. HELP, God!!  Bring the help we all need.  Empower us by the Holy Spirit.  Be our counselor, helper, teacher, comforter, and guide.  Father, if anyone reading this is depressed or if their husband is depressed, please direct them to the very best help.  Open their hearts to admitting they need help and bind fear from them.  Protect us, God.  In Jesus' name, amen.

When You're No Longer Wanted by Becky Dietz

What happens when a church no longer wants you?  It's happening more and more in the U.S.A.  Churches are firing pastors...even pastors who established that church, grew it, and have been there for years.  It used to be that if a pastor stayed in one place for a number of years, it was a badge of commendation not just for that pastor, but for the church.  In fact, they both had to be careful that idolatry didn't become an issue--people worshiping their pastor.

That's very seldom the case today.  Churches become bored or disenchanted with their pastors at a pretty fast pace...or they begin resisting them--especially if they're trying to lead them in a new direction.

You have a choice.  You can stay and try to combat the issues with truth or you can choose to leave.  Neither choice is wrong.  There may be a stronghold in the church which needs to be torn down and your husband may be just the man to do it.  Just know going in that it will probably divide because truth is a sword.  There will be leadership which will resist it, people in the church who will resist it, and friends who will resist it...which is the hardest of all.  And you may find out just how few people want truth.  That's the sad state of the Church today.  On the flipside, it may surprise you to find out who is on the side of truth!

Or you can choose to leave.  That's also a legitimate choice.  You may have already fought a battle for truth for months or years and see no change.  You know in your heart that things are not going to change and for you to stay will only create more division.  And because you love the church and the people, you choose to leave.  Honestly, it may be that God has taken you in a different direction than the church and you're the one who's changed...and your belief system no longer matches that of the church.  In that case, it's definitely time to go.

Any of these scenarios is hard.  It's hard not to feel abandoned or unloved--dispensable.  But here's what you need to know.  GOD has closed the door--even if it's by the fact that He's allowed it.  And it's not to harm you.  If He has closed the door, He has a plan...a good plan!  He has not abandoned you, He loves you...YOU are His treasure.  But so is the church you're leaving.  The best and most gracious thing you can do is to keep loving that church, *don't speak badly of it, and honor the leadership and their decision.  Just know that God has allowed it for a reason and keep your focus on Him, trust Him and follow Him.  He will open a door.  *I recognize there may be extreme situations which call for discipline, rebuke and stern warning for the church.  And I'm certainly not an advocate of sweeping things under the carpet.  This is assuming you've done everything you could to bring healing to the situation scripturally.

Andy & I were 9 months without a job.  And I reminded him during that time that God would open a door for ministry.  Our hearts were yielded to Him and we had our hands in the air and were yelling, "Pick us!  Pick us!!!!"  If He's told us to pray for workers for the harvest, how will He not use us if our hearts are open to any correction and we're eager to help?  We recognized the next phase of our ministry might not be in a church and we were OK with that, too.

Spend your waiting time listening and allowing the Spirit of God to correct you, transform your mind, and give you direction.  Forgive any offenses--wipe that slate clean!  And be willing to do whatever it takes to provide for your family in the meantime.  Trust Him to open a new door and yield your heart to His desires and follow your passions!

He's gonna take care of you....I promise.

The Artisan Soul by Erwin McManus

I know so many pastor's wives who are struggling with their purpose, feeling unfulfilled, or afraid to step into what God is asking them to do.  God's been teaching me so much lately and I can't wait to share some of those things with you.  But in the meantime, my son sent me this video and I thought it was dynamite!  I hope you'll watch all 35 minutes of it...because it may just free you!