2016--The Year of Release

I believe 2016 will be the Year of Release.  

What do you need to be released from?  Ask God to be released from those things.  And what does God want to release through you for His kingdom?  Ask Him.  Seek God's heart, focus on Him, allow His power to be at work in you, and believe for the impossible!! 

When is it time to go?

I believe an issue all pastors and their wives struggle with is...when is it time to leave your church?  How do you know?

It's becoming almost unheard of to stay in the same church for more than 10 years.  Heck!  If you stay more than 4 years, you've had a longer-than-average stay.  Lifeway Research says an average stay for a pastor is 3.6 years.  At one church we went to as a youth minister, they had already had 7 youth pastors in 5 years when we got there.  To say there were troubles in that church is an understatement.  I know of a young pastor who was in his new church for 3 months when he got a note on his door from a disgruntled church member demanding his departure.  (The church member was losing his sole control of the church's finances--and wasn't only doing unethical things, but illegal things.)  There are more and more problems in the church and sometimes it takes resolve and a strong backbone to stay.  1500 pastors a month are leaving their churches.  So...how do you know when it's time to leave?

PRAYER
Of course, the place to start is with prayer.  You've probably reached a place of conflict, boredom, or lack of vision if you're asking the question.  Take your questions to God and ask Him...and then listen.  I'd add to prayer: fast.  Do without food, social media, or whatever has your attention and spend that time with God.  Get serious about knowing God's plan for your life.

AGREEMENT
You and your husband will have to be in agreement.  Usually one of you reaches the place of "knowing" before the other.  But don't act on it until you're in agreement that it's time to go.  You'll know it's time when you both come to the same place of perfect peace about it.  Of course, you'll both need to have lots of conversation and need to keep an open mind and heart.  Pray together and listen for God's direction together.

COUNSEL
Hopefully, you have people in your lives who can give you wise counsel--people you can be totally honest with and give the facts of your situation to without fear of recrimination.  And hopefully, those people can be totally objective and not be swayed by your emotions or your situation.

WAIT
Give God time to work.  You may just need a new vision.  Or you may need someone to come alongside you to help carry your load.  Or God may want to change some people around you.  Don't overreact and jump out of the frying pan--you may land in the fire!  I can almost guarantee this--God is looking to change you.  Trust me on this one...I'm speaking from experience.

TAKE A STEP
This may sound contrary to the above statement.  But there are some of us who get really comfortable in a situation and become afraid to make a move.  Or we are so loyal to our church, we're determined to go down with a sinking ship.  If either of these things are going on, it may be time to take a step and see if you're following God.

IF NO ONE IS FOLLOWING
If the people in your church are no longer following your ministry, your effectiveness is probably over in that situation.  It may be that they are being disobedient or it may be that you've already quit.  At any rate, if no one is supporting your ministry, it's probably time to move on.

IF YOU'RE THERE FOR A PAYCHECK
If you've lost your love, your passion, and your heart for this church and are only there because you get a substantial paycheck...it's time to go.  This will take some examination and some honesty.  But if the answer to this question comes quickly, you already know.

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES
I wish I could say there was no such thing in the Church...but it takes two sides to work something out.  And sometimes two sides just aren't willing.  This may come after lots of talking, many private and not-so-private meetings, trying to work through issues, etc., etc.  You may have even called in a mediator...but nothing has worked.  I'd encourage you not to take it personally.  It may be that you're not the person God is going to use to bring that particular church to truth.

RELEASE
God may give you a big sense of release from your church.  This release will probably come after you've done many of the steps above.  I was very unhappy in one of our churches and begged God for release.  Of course, that release didn't come right away.  God wanted to teach me some things first.  And my husband & I were in complete agreement when the release finally came.  In another church, we had worked through lots of conflict but it became obvious we weren't going to bring resolution to the situation.  Our effectiveness was over.  The release was almost palpable.  We knew God was telling us it was time to go.

I think my most heartfelt advice would be this:  STAY AS LONG AS YOU CAN!  The Church is hurting.  She's been abused, taken advantage of, and hurt.  Trust is in short supply.  It's time we had pastors and wives who are committed to changing that.  The Bride of Christ needs to be loved, encouraged, and told she's beautiful.  She needs to see Christ in us.  She needs to see stick-to-it-iveness.  She needs to be hugged with grace and mercy.  She needs to see that we are willing to talk and work out our problems...and not be so quick to leave.  So instead of asking God when we can leave, maybe it's time we asked, "Do we have to?"  It's only in the hearing that we know.

Breathe by Becky Dietz

breathe

brēT͟H/

verb

1. take air into the lungs and then expel it, especially as a regular physiological process.

   "she was wheezing as she breathed"

   synonyms:

   inhale and exhale, respire, draw breath; More

   • be or seem to be alive because of this.

     "at least I'm still breathing"

     synonyms:

     be alive, be living, live "at least I'm still breathing"

   • literary

     (of wind) blow softly.

   
   

When is the last time you took notice of yourself breathing?  Do it.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in deeply.  Exhale loudly.  It's cleansing.  It's life.  

But there are times when it seems there's no breath left in you.  You may be like Solomon who was surrounded by false witnesses--who were breathing lies.  Lies that contain the heat of hell which sucks the very life out of a room.

Take heart!  God, who breathed the very first breath of life into man, still breathes into us today.  He breathes His Spirit into us.  His Spirit is life.  The Word is God-breathed.  As you take in the Word of God, you are taking in His very breath.  The Word is Jesus and He is life.

Breathe.  

Solutions by Becky Dietz

We are people of solutions....or we should be.  Whenever the world--or the Enemy--presents a problem, we should be presenting a solution.  We have got to remember that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy but God has come to give abundant life!  So whenever we see disunity, anger, robbery, abandonment, sadness, unholiness, divorce...we need to be ready with solutions.

I know it sounds simplistic when so many of the issues of our world are vastly complex.  But the longer I live, the simpler it gets.  Love God, love people.  Pray.  Hear God.  Walk in faith.

Fear of the complexity of any situation can immobilize us.  What can we do?  We're only one person.  You are one person who's trusting in an all-powerful God!  And He has the solutions for all mankind.  And He may just have a one-man task for little ol' you.

What if you asked and God gave you the solution to racism?  Don't you think you'd be excited and begin sharing it?  What if it spread like wildfire?

Ask...and keep on asking.

Be Yourself by Becky Dietz

Pastor's wife, the biggest piece of advice I can offer you as a pastor's wife is to be yourself.  God created you uniquely for His own purposes and you can only fulfill that purpose by being who He created you to be.  It's so easy as a pastor's wife to get caught up in pretense because of people's expectations of you.  It's easy to slip into a super-spiritual mode because everyone thinks you should be.  Or to be the women's ministry queen because it's thrust upon you.  But the greatest gift you can give your church is to just be YOU.  Now that doesn't mean you won't be stretched or be forced to do some ministries which are not your calling--because God sees to it that you're stretched and He's  called you to serve.  But purpose in your heart that there won't be any pretense.

If you're in a mega church, it may be that you just feel like you get lost.  There's a pastor for every ministry and you can't figure out how to plug in...much less, how to make friends.  If you're in a very small church, you may feel overworked because it takes everyone to make every ministry work.  And if you're in a middle-sized church, they may be watching you a little more closely to see if you're going to be the outgoing wife they can put on their pedestal. Interestingly, we've been in all three sizes.

God blessed me with some great friends in each of our churches.  I gravitated towards people who allowed me to be myself and with whom I could be totally honest.  But as I talked to a dear friend last night, she told me, "That's a two-way street."  We, as pastor's wives, have to be willing to allow others to be themselves with no judgment.  It's a give-and-take.  If we want to be ourselves, we have to allow others to be themselves.  We have to receive one another just like God created us.  That's not to say that we can all just happily live in the flesh at all times.  But realistically, we're all going to make mistakes.  We're going to hurt one another.  It's allowing for those mistakes while encouraging one another to walk closer to God.

We can't be a pastor's wife with real, honest, open relationships if we're pretending to be someone we're not and remaining aloof.  We've got to be willing to be real.  I'm actually a bit of a rebel when it comes to this--in a good way, I hope.  I refuse to be put in a mold.  Churches of any size have expectations when it comes to their pastor's wife.  I quickly try to let my new church know that I'm probably not going to fit in their mold.  I get my hands dirty, I laugh loudly, I love deeply.  But I also hate planning showers, planning pretty women's functions, or organizing VBS.  I may do it, but it's not my thing and people will quickly find out I drag my feet a bit when I'm doing something I don't enjoy.   But I also don't expect them to do more than their share or to do things they don't enjoy consistently.  I wear pants, jeans, shorts, and capris much more often than I wear dresses or skirts.    As Andy & I made a hospital visit this week after a funeral (and I was dressed up more than usual), I said, "I probably should dress like this more often when we make hospital visits."  We laughed...because we both knew I probably wouldn't.  I proved us to be correct the next day when we made another hospital visit.  But just because I don't like to dress up or plan VBS doesn't mean you don't!  But that's just it...be true to who you are!

Take time to evaluate where you are.  Are you doing things you hate doing?  Why are you doing it?  Is it to share a load that needs to be shared....or are you trying to gain people's favor?  Do you get your hands dirty?  If not, are you trying to perpetuate the model of a pastor's wife on a pedestal?  In everything you do, who are you trying to please?  God...or man?  If it's not God, you need to stop and allow Him to adjust things.  Don't be afraid to change your course or yourself.
Purpose to be real.  
Being real doesn't mean you have to be harsh.  Being real is saying, "I'm here to fulfill the purpose for which God has called me.  I want to please Him with all of my heart.  Let's do this thing called 'church' together!"

Tilling the Soil by Becky Dietz

“And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.”  Genesis 1:12

God created every form of vegetation with the potential for fruit in the Garden of Eden…but He waited until He had a “manager” to put over the garden before it brought forth fruit.  His original intent was for man and woman to discover treasures and create beauty as they tilled the magnificent garden He’d created.  Genesis goes on to tell us there were hidden riches in the rivers which went out of Eden waiting to be uncovered and discovered.  The work was going to be edifying, fulfilling, and amazing.

But Eve sinned and enticed Adam to sin.  And because of their bad choices, God put a curse on the soil.  They would no longer be tillers, they would be toilers.  To “till” holds the promise of breaking up soil and preparing fertile ground for seed which would become a full harvest leading to health and sustenance.  To “toil” designates hard effort, pain, and labor.

But the amazing thing about God is that He didn’t leave man in his fallen state.  He sent His own Son to die on the cross to take our punishment and make a way for restored fellowship with Himself.  And when He did that, He broke every curse and redeemed mankind to His original intent.  When we make Jesus Lord of our lives, everything changes—we become a new creation in Christ.  It’s as if God takes us back to the Garden of Eden and His first plan and says, “It’s all yours!”  God desires for us to till.  He’d like nothing better than for us to discover treasures and create beauty.  He has filled us with purpose and wants us to use the gifts He’s given us to invest in the kingdom of God.  He’s put us as managers over His creation… just like he did Adam.  And we have the privilege of tilling once again.  

A Grab Bag!

LADIES!  I've had so many miscellaneous items donated for you that I decided to put a collection together to give away.  Who doesn't need some gifts in a closet just for giving friends for birthdays or Christmas?  Or you may want these just for yourself!  You'll find books, cups, lotions, jewelry, a scarf, etc. in this grab bag.  (Some gifts not pictured.)  All you have to do is go to our Facebook page and under the "Grab Bag" post, tell me what you did for the 4th of July to be eligible to win this prize package!!   

Here's to good friends!!