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Not a Pastor's Wife...Yet. by Sandra Langford

When Becky asked me to write for “So You’re a Pastor’s Wife” blog, my immediate thought was “no way”!   I am NOT a pastor’s wife…. yet.  What could I possibly say to ladies who have already walked this journey probably at a much younger age than I am walking it now.  Not to mention, what if my husband, Mark, doesn’t even become a minister, isn’t it a little presumptuous?   Maybe, just maybe, it would be a little (or HUGELY) embarrassing if he chooses a different path and I’ve sent this out for the world to see.  Then it hit me.  My doubts about writing a blog pretty much mirror what I’ve felt about this voyage we are on.  Fear, pride, and doubts swirl through my mind at an alarming rate sometimes!   (My daughter, HE says,” take every thought captive…”)

I’m not even sure exactly how it all came about.  Mark has talked about a dream of his for some time now.  He wanted to set up a shop, hire young men who are searching for purpose, teach them a trade and use that business as a way to minister.  It all sounded so grandiose and, in my mind, improbable.  It was easy to encourage that dream and support him when that’s all it was, a dream.   Then one day he came home from work to tell me he had lost his job.   I remember telling him, “I really think God is going to take us in a totally different direction than where we have been.”  What I thought that meant was “I don’t think you’re going to be working in a job that is tied into the oilfield anymore” what HE heard was “God is taking us out of the secular job market and into the ministry”.  My head is still spinning.  (“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted.…”)

What is it like to hear your husband say that he is being called into ministry when you are 51 years old?  Bizarre.  Ha!  It is probably very much the same as it feels when you are 19 or any other age.  Honestly there have been times when I’ve wanted to stomp my foot like a 3-year-old and say, “It’s not fair!”  Other wives knew they were possibly stepping into being a minister’s wife BEFORE they married their husband – and that would be easier, RIGHT?…. RIGHT?!?  Mark had surrendered to special services during college before I knew him.  I didn’t know that when we married.  Doubts have stormed my mind at times.   (Trust ME with ALL of your heart, don’t lean on your own understanding, I will direct your path….)  I’ve witnessed from a safe distance how hard being a pastor’s wife can be.  The expectations on you and your family, the pressures, the criticizing, the sacrifices all seem pretty overwhelming.  I could go on and on with the doubts, fears and uncertainty.  Then God began to tenderly remind me of a few things:

I’ve resented the expectations that are sometimes put on pastor’s wives, so why in the world would I suddenly put those same expectations on myself? (remember, Sandra, “I will supply ALL of your needs according to My riches…”).   I can face whatever comes our way simply because God is my source!  I’ll make mistakes, certainly, but I can come back from those mistakes having learned a valuable lesson and having depended on God. 

A few years ago I took up a challenge to support my husband in his dreams no matter the cost.  I have a niece who beautifully demonstrated this to me by lovingly following her husband to Florida for a time.  If Mark’s dream took us across country or to the other side of the world, I determined to support him.  After all, isn’t it God who orders our steps?  ("The lot is cast into the lap, but the decision is wholly Mine [even the events that seem accidental are really ordered by ME).  I really don’t want to be a discouragement to my husband or stop him from stepping out in obedience to God.  God has gently put several people into our lives at this time to encourage us and confirm what God is doing. 

A few months ago I attended a conference.  During that conference I received results on a personality test called the DISC test.  I discovered that part of my personality is a “C” (conscientiousness).  A couple of the negative traits of a “C” is that we over-think things (we need DETAILS) and we don’t like change.  Yep.  That’s me. I hate change. Do you know who else that is?  Moses.  Yes, Moses, the guy who heard God’s numerous, detailed plans to set the Israelites free and then told God, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else!”  But God knew He needed a man interested in details to deal with the challenges ahead.  Someone who could write down the 10 commandments word for word without improvising, someone who could organize a huge crowd of people to march across the land.  I have a choice.  I can live in the negative aspects of my personality traits and cry “Not me, Lord, choose someone else!!” (tempting as that is…) or I can soar with the positive traits.  You see, I’m also a “S” (Steadfastness).  An example of an “S” is Abraham.  The man who willingly left his land and family to follow God into the unknown.  I need to learn to use my “C” personality traits when organizing and working, and use my “S” traits when I’m called to face changes and follow God into the unknown.  I’m learning.

God has been so gracious to me in this struggle.  He’s shown me things about myself that He really loves, goodness given by Him, to help me see that I am able to follow Him wherever He leads. He has reminded me that the position of being a pastor’s wife has some really positive aspects.  I need to follow the advice I’ve given my Jr. High Sunday School class; I need to focus on the good and on God, not the problems! (“Oh, taste and see that I am GOOD!”)  He has given me dreams of loving on and encouraging people, helping them see their own greatness.  He has given me a voice to declare His goodness.

Moses had a staff that He willingly laid before God for the Lord’s use.  He laid down his profession as a shepherd of lambs to become the shepherd of God’s sheep, the nation of Israel.   I don’t want to anger God in my response (as Moses did) instead I’m determining to be God’s “Yes!” woman.  I want to display trust as Moses eventually did, I want to be able to say “here’s my staff, use it as You will!”  Will this journey end up with me being a minister’s wife?  I have no idea but it is quite likely.     Thankfully, God is beginning to enable me to say “Yes, Lord, your servant is listening”.  (“Wait upon Me, be of good courage, wait….”)

Sandra Langford is the wife of Mark Langford.  They have 5 children and 1 new addition, a daughter-in-law.  They live in Pampa, TX and are currently in transition...obviously.  Sandra loves to create, sew, read, and work with the youth in her church.  She is using her voice to make a change in the world.  

Pastor's Wives Appreciation Month!

It's Pastor's Wives Appreciation Month!  And we're celebrating by going PUBLIC!  To date, this blog has been a private blog, but we wanted to open it up to ALL pastor's wives.  You can also sign up to the right to receive new blog posts by email.  And we want to give something away...because we love you!

Either leave a message below that you've shared our newly public blog OR like and share our Facebook post to be eligible for this:

A night of fun on us!
We'll be drawing Sunday night (after church, of course!)

MORE FUN COMING...

2016--The Year of Release

I believe 2016 will be the Year of Release.  

What do you need to be released from?  Ask God to be released from those things.  And what does God want to release through you for His kingdom?  Ask Him.  Seek God's heart, focus on Him, allow His power to be at work in you, and believe for the impossible!! 

When is it time to go?

I believe an issue all pastors and their wives struggle with is...when is it time to leave your church?  How do you know?

It's becoming almost unheard of to stay in the same church for more than 10 years.  Heck!  If you stay more than 4 years, you've had a longer-than-average stay.  Lifeway Research says an average stay for a pastor is 3.6 years.  At one church we went to as a youth minister, they had already had 7 youth pastors in 5 years when we got there.  To say there were troubles in that church is an understatement.  I know of a young pastor who was in his new church for 3 months when he got a note on his door from a disgruntled church member demanding his departure.  (The church member was losing his sole control of the church's finances--and wasn't only doing unethical things, but illegal things.)  There are more and more problems in the church and sometimes it takes resolve and a strong backbone to stay.  1500 pastors a month are leaving their churches.  So...how do you know when it's time to leave?

PRAYER
Of course, the place to start is with prayer.  You've probably reached a place of conflict, boredom, or lack of vision if you're asking the question.  Take your questions to God and ask Him...and then listen.  I'd add to prayer: fast.  Do without food, social media, or whatever has your attention and spend that time with God.  Get serious about knowing God's plan for your life.

AGREEMENT
You and your husband will have to be in agreement.  Usually one of you reaches the place of "knowing" before the other.  But don't act on it until you're in agreement that it's time to go.  You'll know it's time when you both come to the same place of perfect peace about it.  Of course, you'll both need to have lots of conversation and need to keep an open mind and heart.  Pray together and listen for God's direction together.

COUNSEL
Hopefully, you have people in your lives who can give you wise counsel--people you can be totally honest with and give the facts of your situation to without fear of recrimination.  And hopefully, those people can be totally objective and not be swayed by your emotions or your situation.

WAIT
Give God time to work.  You may just need a new vision.  Or you may need someone to come alongside you to help carry your load.  Or God may want to change some people around you.  Don't overreact and jump out of the frying pan--you may land in the fire!  I can almost guarantee this--God is looking to change you.  Trust me on this one...I'm speaking from experience.

TAKE A STEP
This may sound contrary to the above statement.  But there are some of us who get really comfortable in a situation and become afraid to make a move.  Or we are so loyal to our church, we're determined to go down with a sinking ship.  If either of these things are going on, it may be time to take a step and see if you're following God.

IF NO ONE IS FOLLOWING
If the people in your church are no longer following your ministry, your effectiveness is probably over in that situation.  It may be that they are being disobedient or it may be that you've already quit.  At any rate, if no one is supporting your ministry, it's probably time to move on.

IF YOU'RE THERE FOR A PAYCHECK
If you've lost your love, your passion, and your heart for this church and are only there because you get a substantial paycheck...it's time to go.  This will take some examination and some honesty.  But if the answer to this question comes quickly, you already know.

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES
I wish I could say there was no such thing in the Church...but it takes two sides to work something out.  And sometimes two sides just aren't willing.  This may come after lots of talking, many private and not-so-private meetings, trying to work through issues, etc., etc.  You may have even called in a mediator...but nothing has worked.  I'd encourage you not to take it personally.  It may be that you're not the person God is going to use to bring that particular church to truth.

RELEASE
God may give you a big sense of release from your church.  This release will probably come after you've done many of the steps above.  I was very unhappy in one of our churches and begged God for release.  Of course, that release didn't come right away.  God wanted to teach me some things first.  And my husband & I were in complete agreement when the release finally came.  In another church, we had worked through lots of conflict but it became obvious we weren't going to bring resolution to the situation.  Our effectiveness was over.  The release was almost palpable.  We knew God was telling us it was time to go.

I think my most heartfelt advice would be this:  STAY AS LONG AS YOU CAN!  The Church is hurting.  She's been abused, taken advantage of, and hurt.  Trust is in short supply.  It's time we had pastors and wives who are committed to changing that.  The Bride of Christ needs to be loved, encouraged, and told she's beautiful.  She needs to see Christ in us.  She needs to see stick-to-it-iveness.  She needs to be hugged with grace and mercy.  She needs to see that we are willing to talk and work out our problems...and not be so quick to leave.  So instead of asking God when we can leave, maybe it's time we asked, "Do we have to?"  It's only in the hearing that we know.

Breathe by Becky Dietz

breathe

brēT͟H/

verb

1. take air into the lungs and then expel it, especially as a regular physiological process.

   "she was wheezing as she breathed"

   synonyms:

   inhale and exhale, respire, draw breath; More

   • be or seem to be alive because of this.

     "at least I'm still breathing"

     synonyms:

     be alive, be living, live "at least I'm still breathing"

   • literary

     (of wind) blow softly.

   
   

When is the last time you took notice of yourself breathing?  Do it.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in deeply.  Exhale loudly.  It's cleansing.  It's life.  

But there are times when it seems there's no breath left in you.  You may be like Solomon who was surrounded by false witnesses--who were breathing lies.  Lies that contain the heat of hell which sucks the very life out of a room.

Take heart!  God, who breathed the very first breath of life into man, still breathes into us today.  He breathes His Spirit into us.  His Spirit is life.  The Word is God-breathed.  As you take in the Word of God, you are taking in His very breath.  The Word is Jesus and He is life.

Breathe.  

Solutions by Becky Dietz

We are people of solutions....or we should be.  Whenever the world--or the Enemy--presents a problem, we should be presenting a solution.  We have got to remember that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy but God has come to give abundant life!  So whenever we see disunity, anger, robbery, abandonment, sadness, unholiness, divorce...we need to be ready with solutions.

I know it sounds simplistic when so many of the issues of our world are vastly complex.  But the longer I live, the simpler it gets.  Love God, love people.  Pray.  Hear God.  Walk in faith.

Fear of the complexity of any situation can immobilize us.  What can we do?  We're only one person.  You are one person who's trusting in an all-powerful God!  And He has the solutions for all mankind.  And He may just have a one-man task for little ol' you.

What if you asked and God gave you the solution to racism?  Don't you think you'd be excited and begin sharing it?  What if it spread like wildfire?

Ask...and keep on asking.