Worst Ministry Advice Ever Given

By Hope Huddleston...

Sixteen years ago when Jason was just starting out in ministry, we were given some advice from a pastor.  One of the the things he told us was to not make friends in the church we are serving in.  He said you will only get hurt and it will make it too hard to leave when another opportunity comes.

I was shocked.  It hurt my heart to think any pastor would actually feel that way or had come to a place where he believed this to be good advice.  Maybe he didn't mean it the way it came across. Maybe he was just trying to protect us.  Maybe his definition of friends is different than mine. I don't know, but I can still remember sitting there thinking, “did he really just say that?”

Today, I don't think I would be as bewildered at this advice, but I still think it's the worst ministry advice we've ever been given.  It breaks my heart to now know he's not the only minister who feels this way.  Some because they don't want to get hurt and some because they've been hurt one too many times.

I'm glad we left that conversation agreeing that wasn't us.  I'm so thankful we didn't take that advice.  We have friends all over the place now from the different churches Jason has served in.  And when I think back over the churches we've served, I don't see places.  I see faces.  Faces of people I love.  Faces of people I miss.  Faces of people who have impacted my life in good ways and some in not-so-good ways.

The truth is ministry can be a lonely place, extremely lonely at times.  I can't even begin to imagine how lonely (and how boring) these past years would've been if we'd held people at arm's length.  It's also true that our church member friends don't understand what it's like to be in full-time ministry, but I don't understand what it's like to be a school teacher or a doctor.  It wouldn't be fair if I expected them to understand everything we go through just as it wouldn't be fair for them to expect me to understand all they go through in their lives and jobs.  We have also been blessed with so many ministry friends that do understand the ins and outs and the highs and lows of being a pastor and pastor's family.  But wouldn't life be boring if we only hung out with people who did what we did and thought like we thought. 

My husband loves people, pretty much all people (there have been those few that are difficult to love). He invites them in to his life quickly and loves them deeply from the get-go.  I've always been a little more guarded.  Some of that is just my personality and that's okay, but I'm also glad that he's pushed me out of my comfort zone in this area.  Friendships are worth the risk.

That pastor didn't lie though.  We have been hurt and it has been hard to leave our church families as we were called to a new church family, but I wouldn't change it for the world.  Because without these friendships, I would've missed so much and I wouldn't be the person I am today.  When I think back over all these friendships in our churches, I think about

laughing so hard my sides hurt

eating lots of good food together

staying up late playing card games on summer nights

crying as we lost someone we loved

good hugs (and I'm not really a hugger)

trips full of ministry and missions

studying God's Word together

arguing over what God's Word meant

watching kids grow up

celebrating births and adoptions

being with each other during sickness or sick kids

spurring each other on to good deeds

loving difficult people together

taking and receiving meals in times of need

not knowing what to say in hard times but just being there for one another

tears of joy and tears of sadness

prayers, so many prayers

These memories are precious to me.

Friendships are hard and good.  They are messy and beautiful.  They are challenging and worth it.

So, you know what my advice is to new people in ministry is: love your people.  Make friends.  You don't have to be best friends with every church member.  In fact, you'd go crazy if you tried. I mean Jesus has his 12 and only 2-3 of them were His really close friends, but He loved all people deeply. He knew they were going to hurt and betray them, yet loved them still. It's okay to let  people in. It's okay to be friends.  It's okay to be closer to some than others. Have fun.  Be real. Some are going to be easier to love than others, but I've never regretted loving someone and investing in them.  You're going to get hurt.  Some will lie to you. Some will just take and take.  Often, boundaries have to be set (boundaries are not a bad thing and do not mean you're not loving). Through all of this, you will come out with lasting friendships that were worth it all. It will be a fun and bumpy ride.  And I can guarantee if you love your people, life will never be boring.

Hope has been married to Jason for 17 years.  Jason serves as Senior Pastor at FBC Elgin in a small town just outside of Austin.  They've been in full-time ministry for 16 years now.  They have 4 kids and Hope works part-time from home. Hope's favorite thing is a date night with her husband or some really good sushi - it's a toss up ;).  Hope has a passion for adoption and children, especially foster kids and teen moms.  Hope loves being a pastor's wife most of time and has been blessed with church families that love her well.